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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Something about Women

Over on Josie's blog she just posted a great tutorial on how to pick up chicks and get laid.
I'm of the firm opinion that she saw how pathetic I am at getting the women-folk, she didn't want to offend me by sending me the steps personally so she did it as a "to all you lazy and dumb men" tutorial.

So, for entertainment value, I'm going to touch on her steps and point out how deficient I am in the chicky-poo category.

Step 1 - Don't get caught dead in the friend zone
Well - anyone who knows me knows that I'm 100% perpetually in the friend zone.  I've set up shop and even have a sleeping bag.  There is no getting me out because I'm just such a great listener and buddy.  If I meed a chick there is a 97% chance I will end up in this zone and only a 3% chances that I will end up in the get in my pants zone.

We'll end today's lesson there.  Since I have obviously failed at step 1, there is no need to continue.  Once you enter the FZ it's pretty much a losing task to go anywhere else so the rest of the steps won't really help you too much.  The only thing that's going to help is a chloroform rag, some roofies or a night of binge drinking causing her to lose her inhibitions and then regret everything she did the night before and probably kicking you out of even the friend zone because now it's too awkward to see you as that any more.

My last failed pick up line
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, are you ready baby? You're about to get fisted!

Still not 100% sure where I went wrong with that - I heard chicks dig a sensitive man that writes poetry?


So, I'll be working on my new method of picking chicks up.  I heard chicks dig a craps dealer that makes lewd, but funny, remarks at the table.
"They're coming out"
"Winner winner oral dinner"
"Lets hit that point ma'am, it's obvious baby needs a new pair of boobs"

May all your sevens bounce off the table

24 comments:

  1. I'm just prepping you for when I visit in June.

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    Replies
    1. :) He's going to use the moves on you Josie!

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    2. I don't have any moves to use

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    3. Grrouchie's move is to lose all his money to me at poker. If the day after I leave it says "25,000 until out of debt" you know why. :P

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    4. 25000 for a one night stand is a bit steep in this economy. :)

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    5. I just realized your post is real close to out first "date".

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  2. Just make it a goal to meet at least 33 new women a day and you'll hook up every day of the year.

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  3. Avoiding the friend zone was the hardest for me to learn over time, but it is the first piece of girl advice I ever gave my teenaged boys. I said, "Son, if you're interested in a girl romantically tell her from the git go. It rarely works to become their friend and then try to become their boyfriend."

    My older son ignored my advice (to his detriment) and tried to befriend every girl he liked. Finally as a freshman in college he heeded the advice and told the Asian hottie that lived in his dorm that he wanted in her pants (in a less vulgar way) and voila....hot Asian girlfriend.

    Now since it is his first super serious girlfriend I'm just waiting for the soul crushing moment when they break up. It's a rite of passage that every guy has to go through at some point, right?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, every guy gets his heart ripped out and tossed aside, too bad for him it's from the Asian hottie.

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  4. And one other thing...

    Am I the only one that feeds the fish at the top of this blog EVERY time I visit?

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    Replies
    1. Hell no, when he started the blog a few years back and I was the only reader, I would come feed the fishy!
      I have one colored special for moi! His name is Jelly. Name the correct one and Sergio will color one special for you :)

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    2. I always feed the fishies!

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    3. People love the fishes!! Best thing I ever did for the blog lol

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  5. For me, sometimes, the FZ thing works, but mostly not.

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  6. I have no problem at all getting laid ever. My issue is that sometimes I really just want a friend and they mostly want in my pants :(

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  7. grouchie remember this since u are a craps dealer. the woman always wants a hard 8 or a hard 10.

    and i have no idea what feed the fishes means

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, they might want a hard 8 but my 4
      comes easy.
      I have swimming fish at the top of my blog, just not on mobile I think.

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  8. It's a well known fact that craps dealers in Vegas get the hottest chicks. That's why grrouchie wants to be a craps dealer.

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    Replies
    1. If I would have known about this fact earlier in life, I would have become a craps dealer years ago.
      Dammit Rob, why weren't you advising me 5 years ago?

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  9. Replies
    1. does this mean we're both posting stories about how much we hate each other and why?

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    2. There will be no winners in this. Your comment was rude and I suspect it was directed at me.

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    3. Besides we do that enough in private. And no fights for like 2 days !

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