Over on Josie's blog she just posted a great tutorial on how to pick up chicks and get laid.
I'm of the firm opinion that she saw how pathetic I am at getting the women-folk, she didn't want to offend me by sending me the steps personally so she did it as a "to all you lazy and dumb men" tutorial.
So, for entertainment value, I'm going to touch on her steps and point out how deficient I am in the chicky-poo category.
Step 1 - Don't get caught dead in the friend zone
Well - anyone who knows me knows that I'm 100% perpetually in the friend zone. I've set up shop and even have a sleeping bag. There is no getting me out because I'm just such a great listener and buddy. If I meed a chick there is a 97% chance I will end up in this zone and only a 3% chances that I will end up in the get in my pants zone.
We'll end today's lesson there. Since I have obviously failed at step 1, there is no need to continue. Once you enter the FZ it's pretty much a losing task to go anywhere else so the rest of the steps won't really help you too much. The only thing that's going to help is a chloroform rag, some roofies or a night of binge drinking causing her to lose her inhibitions and then regret everything she did the night before and probably kicking you out of even the friend zone because now it's too awkward to see you as that any more.
My last failed pick up line
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, are you ready baby? You're about to get fisted!
Still not 100% sure where I went wrong with that - I heard chicks dig a sensitive man that writes poetry?
So, I'll be working on my new method of picking chicks up. I heard chicks dig a craps dealer that makes lewd, but funny, remarks at the table.
"They're coming out"
"Winner winner oral dinner"
"Lets hit that point ma'am, it's obvious baby needs a new pair of boobs"
May all your sevens bounce off the table