Saturday, August 26, 2023

National Toilet Paper Day

 Let us sit back and reflect for a minute on an invention that has truly revolutionized the world.

Other than you fancy screwballs with the anal squirt gun, can you imagine your life without toilet paper? This nifty roll of thank god I don't have to use the cat, the towel or the drapes saves you a lot of time and effort.  I mean, who wants to shower every time they have to poop?  Who wants skid marks in their undies?
Toilet Paper is truly one of the greatest inventions of our life time and that includes things like the Fleshlight
Somewhere, in a tote probably at my parents house, I still have a roll of Beavis and Butt-Head Buttwipe Toilet paper.  I mean, what child of the 90s who grew up worshipping at the alter of the Great Cornholio didn't have a roll of this laying around for those special occasions?
Is there a greater fear that popping a squat and reaching over only to find out that someone else (or, let's admit it, it was you. You lazy asshat. You did it and didn't replenish after because you expected someone else to do it for you and now you sit her with shit between your cheaks and have to make a walk of shame to clean yourself while hoping nothing falls out during that walk and you have to clean the floor.... and scary to think if it falls out on the carpet) didn't put a new roll on after they finished the old roll.  Is there another one close? Is there someone in the house that you can call to in order to bring you a fresh roll or do you have to figure this out on your own?

Now, Imagine that you are wiping your tushy and you misjudge something and now have some shit on your hands.
Imagine that you just grab some TP and you wipe that crap off of your hands and then leave the bathroom?

Gross right?  I mean, You need soap and water to clean your hands when you didn't touch some fecal matter so you need MORE soap and water when your hands got some poo on them.

Why is it acceptable to to use a dry piece of paper to wipe pool off of your anus when you probably didn't get it all and now you have that smell festering in there.

Let's abandon TP all together and move towards at least using Wet Wipes because you can't clean shit without having some sort of moisture.

Thank you all for coming ot my TP talk.

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