Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Testing the Ole Liver Out

I had started to drunkenly type up a post about drinking after inventory.  I started typing it on my phone while drinking and eventually I'll go back and finish it as I thought I was making a good point about the difference between big city life and small city life.

However, that's not what I came here to talk to you all about today.  Friday I went out drinking (it's fucking tradition - leave me alone) and then yesterday I ended up having a couple with a friend as well.  Now here is where things start to break down and my body will go into rejection.

My current favoritest drinking buddy in the whole wide world is in town and she brought a crazy friend (her words, not mine.  Crazy friend - if by some off chance you happen to ever read this - Stab your friend for saying it, not the cool fat white guy you'll be drinking with.  I'm totally innocent! I swear).  Tomorrow night is night number 1 of what will end up being heavy drinking.  Thursday I don't go to work until 11:30 or noon so this is a built in excuse to stay out late and drink to excess.
However, where it's really going to get me is that I'll be drinking with two much younger and very attractive ladies which means that I'm going to be doing my best to keep up and not look like an old fuck who can't handle his liquor.  I accept the challenge.
Saturday evening might also be a night of drinking depending on how the rest of the day goes.  A certain hair stylist is trying to get her girls to go out drinking with her and when that doesn't work according to plan I'm totally going to be a stand in for one of the girls.  I'm not quite as pretty, don't have as much hair but dammit I've still got the tits..... er, this paragraph took a turn for the worst.  Let me regroup.

So, Saturday I might end up meeting her and some of her other friends out for cheep booze and cheaper entertainment.

I skipped Friday.  From what I understand there is something called First Friday that I'm being invited out to. I've been told there is booze and funnel cakes and if anyone knows me I'm all over funnel cakes like a fat kid is all over.... um.... funnel cakes.  Yes.  I haven't had one in a damned long time and this makes me miss the fairs back home just a little tiny bit.  Not too much, I think of the other crap back there and I stop missing the place but dammit I miss hot, fresh made, powder sugar covered blow's all the fuck over you with a small breeze funnel cakes.

Hellz To The Yeahz.
Holla atcha boy!

Ladies, say your prayers!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Chris Brown Album Review

This link is to where I saw the story. I'm not going to bother to track down the original or anything but if you want to go for it.

This is not my work, this is the words of someone else whom I'm actually a bit jealous of because this is fucking brilliant.  If I were in the same position I wish I would be able to do something such as this.

So, without further ado ....

Weight Loss - Day 49

A quick and Dirty (just like my sex life *rimshot*) post since I didn't bother to get around to it yesterday.

Jumping on the scale yesterday after my morning ritual showed that I had gained .2 pounds - So basically break even.  I'll take it.  This whole month has been break even and after suffering through a week of inventory like I did I'm quite happy that the Pizza and Chipotle didn't really add anything to my enormous thighs.

I did not go to the gym yesterday, or any day last week for that matter other than Sunday but I'm trying to get back into it.  Seriously, I'm trying - I'm just failing really hard currently.
My work schedule starts it's change this week and next week.  My early shifts are changing from 6-3 to 8-5 and then they are giving me some late shifts just to show how much they hate me, though they are only 11-8's, but it still sucks as the latest I've been scheduled in over 10 months has been 5.  Blah

My strat-o-matic football draft starts soon and I've done next to no preparing for it which will probably hurt me in the long run.

My muse is still on vacation - when she gets back maybe I can start writing better posts again!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Recovering like a champ

Today has truly been a day of rest.
I got out of the apartment twice and neither time did I actually accomplish anything.
I almost bought a box set of Doctor Who specials of the 10th Doctor but nobody could locate the discs.  So, that's a blessing in disguise because I didn't need to be spending that money anyways.

I finished off Game of Thrones Season 1 and finished (again) Doctor Who Season 5.  Game of Thrones has got me hooked, I really want to jump in and watch Season 2 right now but alas I do not have access to it (well, I guess I could torrent it if I really wanted to....).  The last scene from Season 1 was a perfect way to end it and even though I saw it coming I still enjoyed the shit out of it.
So, sometime in the near future my Kindle will find itself with Book one downloaded and I'll begin reading through it.

I appear to have lost my muse so I suppose that I'll take monster's cue and get some sleep.

Thursday, July 26, 2012


This week has been fast and furious and I haven't had much time to myself, yes it's Inventory Time Again!

Thankfully tomorrow will be the last day and I'm not sure what is taking so long this time.  The past two inventory managers have had us done by this point - however there are some advantages to going at a horrible snails pace like we have this time.
1 - Overtime
2 - Lots of overtime.
3 - I pretty much can't think of anything else other than Overtime.

As of the end of my shift today I've already got 5-6 hours of OT and we still have 4-6 hours of work to do tomorrow before we can finish and enjoy our weekend.  This is going to be nice as I'll receive a pretty good paycheck which is much needed.

This weekend will be for rest and relaxation.
I've got a drinking visitor coming in on Sunday (I think) which means my liver will be tested Sunday evening.
This coming week I hope to find time to finish the final round of paperwork on the house with Carmel so that I can get that submitted and let the red-tape grind itself away.

So, hopefully come Monday I'll be back to having time to myself so that I can start this whole blogging thing again.  I feel like I've been away from it for soooOooOo long but in reality it's been like 3 days or something.

Good night Friends

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises

So I went out and saw the ultimate summer blockbuster movie last night.
From what I understand it overtook The Avengers as having the biggest debut, 214 vs 207 mill.

I'm going to let things soak in a bit more before talking about how much I liked it or what I didn't like, but I am going to say that I thought the Avengers was much better and I also feel that The Dark Knight was much better as well.

Anyone else see it? Opinions? Thoughts?
Maybe this is why I shouldn't watch movies that I have huge expectations for, then generally leave me wanting.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hot Fatty Pics Inside!

I just got back from the gym, second Sunday in a row that I have gone.
Now if I can only figure out how to work in some other days into this routine I'll be golden (like a shower?).
Ended up doing 45 minutes on the Elliptical and burned an estimated 500 calories.  I'll accept it.  I want to be able to do 60 minutes before July is over and I don't think that's too far fetched as long as I don't push myself too hard early so that I'm struggling late.

Also, one of my Facebook Friends shared info about a Golds Gym App today where it has a picture feature where you are supposed to snap a pic of yourself after every workout and watch the progress.
I've decided that this sounds like a great idea but I'll be doing pre-work out photo's instead.
Today being day 1 I shagged 4 photo's, two in my spandex (or whatever it's called) and one in my favorite Hockey Jersey (it's your only hockey jersey ass-hat).
I bought the Jersey in 1996 I do believe, either right before or shortly after High School graduation and have been wearing it ever since.  Well, The last bunch of years it has sat in my closet because when I put it on I realize I'm way too fat for it.  (it does fit a bit better when wearing the workout spandex though). So, my other two photo's today were in this jersey so that I could track my progress over time until the day that it finally fits me properly again.

So here are my 270 pound fatty pics for Day 1

I don't know why they are sideways, maybe being so heavy has caused even the pic to rotate into a more comfortable, laying down position.

I'll try to keep these to once a week in my summary posts to show any type of progress (or regress) that might occur until I get bored and just eat a whole bag of chips or a gallon of ice cream or whatever.

Weight Loss - Day 42

Just for the record I want to go on record and record myself saying that July has been pretty much the suck as far as losing actual weight.
First week I gained 2 pounds, 2nd week I lost that 2 pounds back and now my trick for the 3rd week?  Half a pound.

Half a pound is a bit disheartening to actually report because I could gain that back just by looking at a snickers bar!   However, I guess any progress is good progress and I should not complain about that.

I've pretty much lost my typing voice over the past few days, so no stories, no goals, no introspective.
You just get the results and that's quite boring.  Maybe next time...

Friday, July 20, 2012


 Goodbye Friend

num nums and a nap

So, after coming home yesterday I didn't bother to do anything but crash onto my makeshift bed and sleep. Well, I took off my glasses (after about an hour) so that I could roll over.
I slept from about 3:30 until 7 or a bit later.  I did my best to stay awake for just a couple of hours before heading back to the land of sleep.  Over night I only woke to take Monster out for his nightly constitution and then when my alarm clock went off at too bloody early in the morning.

The good news is that I appear to have slept my headache away but I'll give that until about 10 am to see if it's really gone or if it's just teasing me for a bit.

I'm really looking forward to my weekend off but I'm not looking forward to next week which work decided to pretty much mess up for me.
You see I gots me a friend coming into town on Sunday.  I'm not sure how long she is in town for but I do understand there is a possibility that she is bribing me with someone else's delicious hot wings to come and pick her up at the airport.  mmMmmM, Red's wings are so delicious when they are not turning your mouth into a coke-oven.

The problem with her being in town is that one or two of the evenings are generally out late and drunk but work decided to tell me at the last minute "Hey, remember that inventory thing we have going on next week? Well at the last minute you are now being informed that you are on it."

Inventory - if there is ever one time at work that I kinda sorta need to have my wits about me so that I can focus it's probably inventory. It's hard to focus after a night of heavy drinking and no sleep.
Work - You Suck!

Work also sucks in another way.  My schedule is now changing.  Well, there are 3 of us in the office and two of us get to suffer through schedule changes.  I no longer have every weekend off, but I at least negotiated myself up to not having split days off on the other two weeks and the actual days off changed to something I can live with.
I also no longer work a set 6-3 and in fact wasn't even brought back to my old 8-5 stand by.  No, I've got two or 3 11-8's mixed in every week now (as does the new girl).  But the 3rd person who just had 3+ months off gets to have her shift fucking set in stone at 6:30 - 3:30 Mon-Fri.
Granted, I'm told that this is because of "medical reasons" even though I think she's just abusing the privilege!  I can see having to work set hours, but How in the Holy Flying Fuck is it considered more medically safe for her to NOT work weekends?  That's the biggest bullshit part of all of it.

Once Summer is done and one of my weekly joys disappears I'm going to see if I can work every Saturday again (except when NFL plays Saturday games of course) and start working 8-5 on my non 11-8 shifts.  This will allow me a few more hours of sleep every day because 6 am is a burden.
I'd like to be able to work out a way to get back to taking my Craps classes so that I can get back into the routine of the game and start doing auditions again but I don't see that being possible currently.
I'm thinking about making some dealer friends and having them teach me poker over the course of a week or two since they would probably be able to do it around my schedule and trying a poker audition or two.
I've heard from Jennifer Gay that that is probably the best way to do it.  Just grab a good dealer who can run you through the 3 types of games over the course of 8 hours and just drill the shit into your head and hit up an audition and you'd be better off than over paying for some dealing school/class.

I did not watch The Dark Knight Rises last night - I'm not big on seeing premiers as I like a little bit of space when I see movies.  This is a movie that I badly want to watch and one of the few that I'm willing to pay the horrible Imax prices for.  I'm curious to see how long it's going to take to be able to get tickets to see the movie without it being sold out.  That's one of the great things about living in Vegas - so many theaters to choose from.

And now it is time for my morning constitution before heading to work.
Hasta La Pasta my friends.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


Fuck you you old crotchety devil bitch.
I'm not sure how it is that I actually allow one person to ruin my entire day - but it has happened and now I need some adult beverages.
Multiple beverages.

This all better have a worth while conclusion or I might be forced to go crazy and have to take tiny pills to control my murderous thoughts for a few years.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


I'm going through this phase where I am getting headaches nearly every day.
This is week 2, maybe 3 and it's starting to suck.
I don't know if it's a change of weather or if it's something I'm eating (or not eating) or if it's just the really fucking hot temperatures that we are getting.  Either way it's kind of annoying at this point.

Most days are pretty mild, some days are worse.  I haven't had anything really bad yet, but I'm assuming one of those is just around the corner.

My "department" meeting with the store manager at work happens tomorrow at 10 am.  I'm interested to see how this goes.  I think I was supposed to come up with a list of how I was going to help increase our sales, an action plan on how I was going to be training other associates and whatnot, but I've been quite busy at work and I refuse to do that kind of stuff off the clock.
Today I had a meeting at another store that ate up a bit over half of my day.  I've got one more meeting next week which is an all day thing thankfully - I love any reason to not be at the store.

With that being said - I'm going to take some Tylenol and see what I can do about this headache this evening.

Maybe my body is going through junk food withdraw? :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The early morning

You figure I have been getting up at the same time every single day now for 4 months that I would be used to it. That the act of waking up so early would turn into routine and my body would have adapted to it and all would be right with the world, yes?

I still hate it, maybe more than when it first started.  Starting my routine at 4:30 am to be to work by 6 am is f'n ridiculous.  I give myself time for a nice good shower to help with the waking up process and I also let myself time to be able to meditate before work.
By meditate I mean search through people's blogs, check my book of face, take my puppy outside for a healthy morning urination and dedication.

No, I feel like my body is rejecting it more and more as every week passes.  I'm getting more and more tired as mid day approaches. I am now craving (and taking) mid-afternoon naps after my work shift has ended and no matter what, by the time the evening rolls around I'm once again wide awake and my body wants to stay up till Midnight - 2am - just like old times.

I might see what kind of power I have to influence a later shift in the day.  7-4 or 8-5.  Both of them seem more reasonable and would allow me to sleep in more and stay up later.
I'm more a night owl by nature so working later shifts than those would be ideal but then it starts interfering with the social life I am trying to build.

It's time to find pants
toodlz grrouch-land

I would totally buy this in a heart beat

Monday, July 16, 2012

Humidity and Television

Last night I went to the drive in to watch the newest Ice Age and quite enjoyed it, though it felt a bit short.  During the movie it started to rain and went into a Las Vegas down pour at one point, the drive home filled with flooded streets and whatnot.  I still love the fact that a minor amount of rain can shut down sections of the city, but this is the desert so I guess I should just get used to it.

Anyways, back to my story, which has already gotten made fun of in tweet form by Pokergrump, but whatever.
The humidity was in the 20's today. For my non desert living friends this seems like an idiotic comment to make.  Humidity in the 20's is something to be celebrated because it's a very very low percentage.  However, here in Vegas it's a bit higher than normal.

Being a fat kid with asthma, I hate Humidity.  Sometimes I forget how much I really don't like it but days like today make me remember.  Yes, I have previously lived in 80% humidity and it really sucked for my asthma and for my arthritis.  Moving to the desert has been a dog-send to me because my allergies have been better, my asthma has been better and I forgot that I have a minor amount of arthritis.

Today kind of sucked.  Make fun if you will, but this "humidity" has really decided to mess with my body today. My breathing has been heavier and it drained all of my energy.  I'll be happy to get back to the sub 20's again so that I can feel much better.

Thanks to this crappy weather there was no gym today. I did not want to stretch my lungs and risk anything so whatever. It's probably just another in a long line of excuses but when it comes to my asthma I take no chances.

Tomorrow if I am going to hit the gym I'm going to have to do it right after work as I think I'm going out with some friends.  This coming Sunday my favorite blonde comes into town again as well and hopefully she is bringing wings from my favorite red-head.  Red won't be coming to town until August but I'll be sure to enjoy Blonde while she is here.
(for the sake of "I didn't ask permission to call them out in this blog" I have pulled a Rob and done the above).
I'm looking forward to a good time next week, there will be at least one really good drinking night during that time.

Watching the Weeping Angels part two of Matt Smith's first season of Doctor Who and they are already making reference to River Song murdering someone.  I love the way that things are interwoven over the course of multiple seasons.  I can't wait for the new season - things are going to be great!

Today during lunch I watched the 1st episode of Breaking Bad season 5 and I'm happy with the way it started. Knowing that this is the last season they have really done a great job of turning Walt into an egomaniac, which I think is going to be his ultimate demise.  The way that his character has developed from someone just trying to provide for his family before his death from cancer to ultimate bad ass who has done some very horrendous things has been an awesome journey to watch.

I really want to start watching either Game of Thrones or Boardwalk Empire but I just haven't worked up the desire to pop the discs in yet.

Type Happy Colors

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Sweating Bullets

I went to the gym today for the first time in quite a while.  I keep telling myself I want to go 3 times per week, 30 minutes per session just to get back into the swing of it.
Today I finally went.

I put my amazon cloud player on random and rocked out!

I refuse to shave until I drop below 260 (except the neck area because that shit gets annoying).

Weight Loss - Day 35

For those of you who haven't been following along at home, here is a link to the previous postings I have made on my weight loss adventures. Because of the way Blogger works this post will be the 1st post and the rest will be hidden underneath.

It's kind of weird actually typing this out because putting things into perspective sometimes hit you in a funny way.  Day 35?  Really?  A friend at work will probably tell me she is on day 1 again so just stating the fact that I've actually hit 35 days of doing this is quite amazing to me.  No, I have not been 100% faithful to dieting but I'm still sticking with it even after a bad day and that is what is important.  Last week I had put back on a couple of pounds and while discouraging I still stuck with it.
I have not bothered tracking every single point on a daily basis after the first 3 weeks or so because for the most part I eat about the same thing day in and day out.  I have a high tolerance for things like not.

Another thing that I am going to do to help with the whole losing of the flab is finding out what my point allowance is for my weight targets and one week out of the month I'll use that point goal as my guide instead of what I get at my current weight.  The whole overall goal is to shrink my stomach back to a reasonable size instead of lard-ass size so that I can eat less on a regular basis and still be full.  I know it all happens with time and I'm a patient man but it's still something that I want to do just to see how it goes.
In all reality, by playing with the point calculator the difference between my "goals" and where I'm at now isn't a whole lot in the grand scheme of things - especially if I'm willing to take advantage of some of my extra "weekly" points which I have not bothered to touch yet.

So anyway, babble babble, after stepping on the scale today I am exactly where I was two weeks ago.
Last week I gained 2.4 pounds and this week I lost that same 2.4 pounds.
Even with the little setback I'm taking off 2.2 pounds per week which is pretty much in line with where healthy weight loss should be.  I do realize now that if I'm going to even attempt to hit 260 by the end of July I'm going to need a miracle or motivation to get myself to the gym and start influencing the weight back off.

Also, I don't work today and as such I'm probably going to eat something bad for me :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Slipped my mind

So, this past week at work finally got me all the help in the office I could want plus more.
After 3 months they brought in a full time person from out of state to help me out, but then 2 weeks later the person who was on FMLA came back as well.
The office is too busy for one person.  Two full time people will have time where they are bored. 3 full time people is just fucking ridiculous, seriously.

There is still the looming position of Department Manager floating out there (which, in my opinion should have been posted 2-3 weeks back) which is pretty much the only thing keeping me from trying to get a new position elsewhere in the store or company.

My current plan is to let the other two deal with whatever office work actually exists and I'm going to try to take a more prominent role on the floor helping out. Mostly this will consist of trying to get people trained in order to do their jobs better, giving them new knowledge or more knowledge as the case may be.  There are a lot of people out there afraid to engage the customer properly in order to meet the company's objectives which will most likely be a big issue for them in the coming months.  The more the company becomes sales focused the more likely the 100% task driven employees are of being promoted to customer and no one really wants to see that happen to good workers.

As with everything we will see what happens with time.  Work is talking about adjusting schedules and having us (in the office) stay until 8pm instead of 5pm, working weekends and all kind of other mean nasty stuff.  Good times I guess, but all will be revealed in due time and we'll see what was right and what never panned out.

Other than that - I got good news on the house front.
I was approved for my Release of Liability/Transfer of Ownership to put the house fully into my name and release Carmel from her obligations so that both of us can move on with life.
I now just have to process a Quitclaim deed and get two other documents signed off and notarized and sent back in to the mortgage company.
Maybe this bit of closure and some sort of semblance of a "normal" life is what both of us need at this point.

And now, some Ugly Kid Joe

An Open Letter to Tony Bigcharles

I had a Rob sized post/rant typed up but in the end I decided to go with this instead.

Dear Tony,

Please to not mistake me starting this with "dear" as having any sentiment at all. That is just the standard way I start everything of this nature.

Tony - You are the source of all of your own problems.
You are alienating everyone who has tried to be a real friend to you.
You are only willing to listen to people who have vagina's that you may or may not ever get to use in the future.
Stop pretending to be high and mighty. Stop pretending to be Christian. Stop insulting everyone who tries to help you by blowing them off when it's convenient and then telling them they didn't do enough for you when you fuck up.
Koala has been amazing to you over the past two years or so and somehow you managed to piss him off so much that he said he's done putting up with your shit?  Seriously?  One of the few people who you could have counted on and you decided to chase him away.  Great job there Tony.

Today for the first time since you left Blogger I checked out your new "forums" because of some tweets that really got my interest.
So it seems that you decided to lie to everyone in order to bring more attention to yourself and called everyone out for NOT being a real friend to you except the two people with vagina's.  Good job being a self centered attention whoring asshole.

The world does not owe you anything. You do not deserve more than what you are currently receiving.  You created your own problems and you are the only one who can solve them.
Accept responsibility for the problems you have created.
Stop pretending to be a Christian and start acting like one.
Take care of your family instead of acting like they are a burden on you.
Either learn to control your addictions or remove yourself from the problems.  The problem is not the machines. The problem is ALL GAMBLING including Poker.

There could be more, but it's not worth my time and effort.


Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday of the 13th

Today is a very important day in history folks
Today we celebrate good old fashioned horror movies with death, dismemberment and campy humor.  Oh, and lets not forget the boobs.

I think I'll go out and buy the Friday the 13th Killer Cut Blue Ray that I have been putting off for a while and watch that along with maybe Jason X or Freddy vs Jason.
Not watching at least one movie today would be a sin and probably get me killed!

Pretty Random

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Hell Yeah

Tonight I'm taking the evening off from doing nothing and hitting up a good old fashioned Rock Concert.
2nd one this year, I must be going for a record or something!
Iced Earth

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Bankroll Challenge - Shut Up Already

Yeah, 3 posts in one day - whatever. It's my last day off of work before having to go back and I'm bored.
Since I have to be there by 6 am I won't be doing a 2-3am poker session again today and since I have played a good deal over the past few days I've now got it in my veins again and that's pretty much all I can think about.  Thus, you all get too many posts from the fish.

However, since you all are suffering through with the madness I'm at least going to provide some visuals this time.  I really love you all and I'm quite happy with the comments and feedback that I have been getting and all that banter back and forth is the whole reason that I feel like typing some more instead of just responding to comments.
So, even though I have responded to some of them I will probably address a few of them here as well.

First, I would like to point out that I am now running through the first Matt Smith season of Doctor Who while waiting for the new season to begin.  Between Doctor Who, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead this television viewing season is going to be quite the pantie wetter for me.

Number 1 - Bankroll concerns.  In my last post (yes, my last post, not my last blog) I mentioned that one of my key plans while having such a tiny (penis) bankroll is to double up and change casinos.  A number of you came out of the woodwork (like termites) to tell me that you thought this was not the greatest idea especially if I'm sitting at a good table.  "Why leave if the game is good and you are playing well?" is paraphrased but straight to the point.

grrouch view: Living in Las Vegas gives me more choices of where to play poker than probably anywhere else in the world.  I could see if I was living in BFE with maybe only one or two poker rooms in an area then this rule might be out the window.  However, living in Las Vegas I am just a 5-10 minute walk away from another room with multiple more good games.  I think that the big divide is coming from the fact that people are not taking into consideration that I only have $500 to work with here and I am not willing (or able) to reload for multiple months.  I've been playing off the same money for the entire year and when I have extra I've been spending in on things that make me happy, thus my roll has not really grown over the course of the year.
So lets say that I have a bad couple of sessions and the $500 disappears, no longer do I have the ability to play with any of you when you are visiting or during a meet-up.  This is what I am trying to avoid and as such I am trying to be protective of my roll by imposing limitations.  While I am just a casual player I am not in a position to reload any portion of my roll until October at the earliest, and that would downright blow.

Number 2 - Brought up by MoJo is that $500 is very limited and maybe I should consider buying in shorter than the standard $200 that I am accustomed to.

grrouch view: This is 100% in my thought process and I am trying to figure out the best way to approach it currently.   My main game is probably going to be at Bill's Gambling Hall and Swap Meet with the 50c/$1 buy in and going for 100 big blinds at $100.  In this scenario I have 5 buy-ins to play with.  When playing a standard 1/2nl game I can also buy in for (at min) half stack and still have 5 buy-ins.  As I win some I can increase the amount of my buy-ins until I am again playing normal stacks of $200.  Also, I am thinking about doing a very tight short stack strategy at a place like Harrah's where they offer a weekly freeroll where everyone who final tables gets $500.  I'd only need 15 hours which should not be too hard as long as I get to have a day like Saturday to put in a good deal of the hours.

Number 3 - Waffles just pointed out that short-stacking also has drawbacks of not being able to push people off hands, etc.

grrouch view: This is correct, but also with live poker the good news is that with short stacking people will call you with some really horrendous hands just because it's "only $40 more" (as you state).  Case in point, I have $60 on the table last night and get into a big multi way pot with two suited cards.  Flop comes out and gives me a flush, Jack high and I push.  I get called by KJ with no flush re-draw possibility because it was "only $50 to call."  While this really doesn't work well with the online game any more, live players are so much bloody worse.

Number 4 - Another thing brought up by Waffles (he almost seems like he has a head on his shoulders sometimes doesn't he) is that I could designate a percentage of my wins to set aside for hookers and blow, or strippers and coke, or titties and beer, or AMPs and Hand Jobs.

grrouch view: Another great point that I was already considering.  You see, there is something that I got from my mom that I've been doing for years and just recently (read: last year) expanded upon which is saving my change.  Other than very minor and insignificant amounts over the past 6 years I have rarely spent any change that has come my way, instead I keep it in a jar over the course of a year and then by years end I cash it in and use it for fun money or Xmas gifts or whatever.  Starting last year I began doing that same thing with almost every single $1 bill that I have gotten.  I have a piggy bank that is full of ones and will also be cashed in at the end of the year.  Poker helps me to build this up even quicker as if I have a cash-out of $122 the extra $2 goes right into this forced savings.  Sometimes if I have an odd number like $7 I ask for that to be in all ones to speed the process up as well.  The $100's and $20's automatically get added to the bankroll, the $10's also currently get added in but $1's and sometimes $5's go elsewhere for different causes.  As my bankroll becomes larger I will start taking a higher percentage and putting it towards different funds.
My ultimate hope is that in about two years I can actually fund my way into a WSOP tourney or two for the experience. I'd also like to set aside small portions of my wins to start playing some tournaments around town to practice and get better at them.

This whole post took me the length of one episode (no commercials) and now that the credits are rolling it's time for me to roll my own credits and hit the publish button.  Lets hope there are no more today!!!

Bankroll Challenge - Road to $500 and Rules of the Roost

Following up my previous post where I just felt like typing at 2 am instead of sleeping I do want to delve into some rules that I am hoping to hold myself accountable for so that it's less likely I'll blow the whole $500 in one night during a bad session flipping hundo's with homeless Howie who hates button straddles and hookers who are not so affectionate in and around the lip area.

But first, to clear up a misconception.  Stump and I are not bromancing the bone - that's just a porno I like to quote at the tables for laughs (woah).  So, all of those out there who like to twist words -  a big raspberry in your general direction.  We will, however, make at least 2 jokes about the fact that we are dating or screwing or banging or whatever to make the rest of the table laugh or just feel really uncomfortable.
It's nice to be able to sit at a table with someone whom you can actually bounce jokes off of consistently and who is not going to get offended - and I think this helps to loosen the table up a bit.

Rule Numero Uno - You do NOT talk about fight club
Rule Number two - There are no First rules

#1 - Double up and leave.  No questions asked, there are a million and 1 places to play and generally within walking distance of where I park my ass for the evening.  I don't care if it's 1 hand or 8 hours - As soon as I double I cash out after that hand and walk my fat ass to another game at an adjoining casino.

#2 - Don't Suck - this one is a tribute to Carmel as when I would be heading out to a session those were the last words she would say as the door hit my ass.

#3 - Play tight, at first.  The goal is to grow my bankroll and tight is right (Poker, much like women).  I do not want to have to replenish this money and as such I need to make sure that I'm getting the best odds to win consistently until I've afforded myself a few buy-ins to play my normal game which is slightly looser.

#4 - Try to make time to play at least once per week.  Consistency is what is needed.

#5 - Do not play tired, hungry, horny, blah blah blah.

Ok, that's really enough - Most everyone reading this has some sort of grasp into the poker Do's and Don'ts so I don't need to go off on a long list of redundancy.

Last night I went out and put in a session at Bally's.  My goal was to win a quick $50 - $100 and then head elsewhere for an hour or two and do the same thing.  Just get some quick scores at multiple casino's and get my non stripper money up to $500 and properly kick this bitch off!

However, much like I have a horrible habit of doing, things went wrong early on.
My 4th hand at the table I wake up with Th3h in the big blind and call the $0 raise.  The flop comes out Qh 2h Xh and I bet out a bit over the pot and get two callers.  The turn comes another 2 and it checks around. The river brings something random and I check, next guy bets $40 and I call only to have him show me his awesome limp with Q2 offsuit in middle position.  Heart Poker.

From here I proceeded to lose a few more hands in spectacular fashion and bust my first buy-in.  However, there was enough bad play at this table to keep me there and I brought out the rest of my "roll" and continued to grind.
Over the course of the evening my money swung up and down not allowing me to ever gain any momentum. I hit a couple of good hands but the guys I was targeting managed to avoid paying me off every time.
I eventually grinded my way to a $22 profit in a little over 5 hours thus earning half of minimum wage but being happy just for the win!

So, now that I have hit the Magical $500 number I am starting up a new database on my phones poker tracking software in order to see where I have the most success, what rooms are better for me, what day of the week, etc. This is going to be a LONG (I will not bust I will not bust I will not bust I will not bust) and fun trip and I'm looking forward to seeing how things pan out over the next few months.

Bankroll Challenge - Introduction

I have tried this in the past with fairly good results and I figure that I might as well try it again now.
Somewhere, and I currently do not care to look up the source at 2 am with a possible migraine brewing, I read an article about the $500 bankroll challenge.  Now that I think about it, it was in Poker Player Newspaper and written by a chubby bald guy.

I happened to go over to the Planet Hollywood to play some poker with a buddy one evening and got on the 1/2 wait list.  While waiting I noticed a magazine and decided to thumb through it and came across the article I referenced above and being that my entire poker lively hood has been built around a similar principal multiple times over the course of my stay in Vegas I decided to adopt it.

The "challenge" is very simple. You start with $500 ($500 is a very arbitrary number, you could start with $60 and a fake dog turd if you wanted) and play poker to see how high you can build your roll.  Depending on the game you choose to play $500 might be very little or a reasonable amount.  Playing 1/2 NL $500 really ends up being a paltry sum.  However, you just have to catch a good run of cards and get ahead of the game and in theory you are set for life.

So why is all this coming up currently you may ask yourself?  Well, I'm glad you said it out loud so I could overhear you.  The answer is two fold.

1 - This was originally intended to be a poker blog of sorts but turned into a life blog. Yes, I know that there are some who like to read more about poker and those who like to read less about poker.  However, I rarely write about poker at this point.  Doing this challenge, much like with my weight loss, will force me to write about my sessions after they occur (or maybe sum up a weeks worth at a time or whatever) and keep better track of my money and how I am doing.  Normally I set aside poker money and once I get so much I just kind of dump it into some debt or some bills or whatever and then have to start over.  This is not ideal for a guy who would like to play more often.

2 - Now that I've developed a #bromance (per Alaskagal1 on twitter) with Stump and actually have someone in town with whom I can actually hook up with and play some poker consistently my want and desire to play the game has increased a lot. My feeling is that by constantly playing with someone and having someone to talk over hands with my game can improve and develop and I'll be less of a Local Fish and more of a consistent player.

So, The other day when I headed out to the casino I had $500 in disposable income that I have been using to play poker with for the last few months (and buy shit for myself when I win, go out to eat, attend concerts, get a rub and tug - the usual) I decided it was high time I tried to actually grow my bankroll into a real, functional bankroll instead of just playing and blowing money and then stopping for a few months when I run out.  Now, I do have $500 but some of that money I'm hoping stays untouchable.  You see, I have my collection of "stripper money" that I try to avoid ever dipping into if necessary.  However, for this purpose I will use it if the need arises.   I currently have $400 in my wallet (I hope none of my readers see this information and try to mug me on my way to a poker room or when I'm leaving to go home) and my reserve is at least $100 - thus $500 total.  The one caveat is that once I reach $500 in my sock fund I will no longer count the stripper money and will not dip into it.  That is supposed to be Xmas money for the children and I'd hate to tell them that Christmas is cancelled because daddy's a degenerate!

This was just the introduction, after I sleep on everything I'm hoping to type up the rules that I plan on following (but probably won't) in order to help me succeed.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Hugo's Cellar

This is another of my good break up stories and completely inspired by this post over on Rob's blog.
My first (and maybe shortest ever) story is here for all of those who would like to go back and read about what I think might be the greatest break-up line ever.

Everything was seemingly fine in my little world.  I had just recently moved to the greatest place in the whole f'n world, Las Vegas Nevada and brought with me a chick that (at the time) I thought had potential to be a keeper (stupid lust tricking me) and I had planned an awesome birthday treat for said lovely.

I had gathered some really good information from someone who I actually have zero respect from at work. However I do know that he is a lying cheating scoundrel and if there was any opinion of his that I could trust it would be where to take a chick for a romantic evening.  I'm fairly sure he took his wife there with a host of other ladies who filled the void when he got bored.

So, her birthday came and we went to Hugo's Cellar at the 4 Queens.
This place was everything I was told it would be and more.
Upon arriving for our reservation we were greeted by a gent who took a long stemmed rose out of a vase, cut the stem and wrapped it up for my date.  If their panties aren't wet at this point the food should surely finish the job.
We were then seated and had one waiter come over who's job it was to serve us nothing but water should we so desire (he had a cart loaded with it).  After that our main waiter brought over a cart full of appetizers for us to pick and choose from.
Next up was the salad cart which was mixed for us individual with the toppings of our choosing.  Pretty much any normal thing in a salad that you can think of was on this card to choose from down to the assortment of dressings.
After our salad's were made we got to order our main course - she choose something that previously lived in an ocean far away from the desert that we were currently living in and I choose a steak wrapped in bacon (I was way ahead of this whole Everyone Loves Bacon phase that the world is going through currently) and some sort of lobstrocity that really only kinda sorta tasted good if dipped into the right sauce.

At this point while waiting for our food to arrive is when she decided to engage in conversation, a conversation that she had obviously been planning out in her head for a while and which I was not privy to any of the information until this very moment. The conversation started out something along the lines of "We really just haven't been working out that well since moving to Vegas" and ended somewhere along the lines of "I think we should probably just be friends, I'm moving out next week."

Needless to say I was pretty shocked, if I had seen this coming I definitely would have not bothered shelling out for such a dinner to celebrate the occasion of losing a relationship.  However, in the "spirit of friendship" she did tell me that it would be perfectly ok if I was still willing to take her to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie after dinner.  So, that was pretty damned kind of her to allow me to take her to a fancy dinner and a movie and not get to enjoy the power of the shocker (It comes up everywhere, I just can't figure it out man) or enjoy her vagina ever again.

And he lived happily ever after until his next relationship - the end.

p.s. - the chocolate covered strawberries for desert were fucking divine.

Listing the Obscene

As I have described previously I ended up playing at two unbelievable tables where the talk was beyond that of normal poker talk.
Sometimes you get to a table where you have the table comedian (which I try to be at times) and sometimes there are one or two others playing along.
I've never been at at table (or two) where more than half were cracking jokes (dealers included) and where 8/10 were getting involved (Harrah's and IP respectively).
Let me correct that notion about the IP, if you count the eye candy sitting behind certain players it was more 12/10 that were getting involved in the fun.  Really unbelievable good times.

So, I cannot recount everything that went on but I figure that As I remember stuff I'll be making a list of some of the topics that came up, the jokes that were said, punchlines, etc.
Maybe in the future some of this stuff could be expanded upon.

Everybody at the table had a nickname.  We played poker with the likes of Bobby Hill all grown up, Walt Kowlisky, Buddy Holly, Vin Diesel, Father Guido Sadducee, An Actual living breathing live ATM machine, Paul Giamoni (I'm not taking the time to look up the spelling of any of this crap, my bad).
I was Paul G and at one point I asked someone if he liked me in sideways which was then pointed out is probably a question you should NEVER ask another man.  "Hey bro, would you like me in sideways?"

The Shocker came up twice in a two day span.  A dealer asked last night "Did I really just see the shocker thrown down at my table?"

Stump also took a liking to imitating Andrew Dice Clay with a little shocker sense of humor which he pretty much nailed, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a fucking fantastic thing.  I know Dice will be making more appearances at the local Las Vegas tables for years to come if I have anything to say about it.

I informed the entire table about how my mother used to type up her reports for school, which is only funny if you hear me recant it at the tables :)

After hitting on a particularly attractive waitress Stump says to me "she's married" and I exclaim "that's ok because ever chick I've ever dated has been fucking someone else as well" and the dealer started laughing so hard he had to pause dealing for a moment.

After getting into a pissing match with another player Stump asked if I was going to just whip my dick out and throw it on the table and I informed him that I haven't seen my dick in the past decade so I doubt anyone else would be able to either.

I learned that Dominic (dealer at Harrah's) Couldn't get laid if he crawled up a chickens ass.

While I know there is more to this, a lot more, it's mostly out of my head.  I will part with these final couple nuggets of whatever.

The Shocker did make it's 3rd appearance and to end my post I'll be listing a ton of shockers.

When Stump and I play at the same table be on the look out for multiple comments about us dating or fucking or whatever.  Last night we randomly went through a routine where he told someone we met online and I chimed in with match.com.

So, The Shocker:

The original definiton:

Two in the pink, one in the stink.

More shocker euphemisms:

Checking her fever, with two in the beaver

Crimson: 2, Brown: 1.Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco.
Dos en el rosado, y uno en el morado.
Dos en la crica, con uno en la pica.
Dos en la hamaca, con uno en la caca.
Going to town, with one in the brown.
Phaser Finger
The Barracuda (Aus)
The Muckfish.
The Willy J Munchright (Named after a famous Australian)
Two at Yale, one at Brown.
Two in her rut, one in her butt.
Two in the 'ooh la la', one in the caca.
Two in the baby maker, one in the patty caker.
Two in the beav, with an ace up the sleeve.
Two in the beaver, one in the cleaver.
Two in the beaver, one where food leaves her.
Two in the bird, one in the turd.
Two in the blood, one in the mud.
Two in the boat, one in the moat.
Two in the bow, one in the stern.
Two in the buckle, one in the knuckle.
Two in the Bush, one in the Cheney.
Two in the bush, one in the tush.
Two in the byway, one in the hershey highway.
Two in the cake, one in the pudding.
Two in the camel toe, one in the anal hole.
Two in the cat, one in the shat.
Two in the cheese, one in the whiz.
Two in the chink, one in the sphinc.
Two in the chute, one in the glute.
Two in the clam, one in the SHAZAAM
Two in the clanker, one in the spanker.
Two in the cockpit, one where the jock sits.
Two in the coin slot, one in the balloon knot.
Two in the condom muncher, one in the donkey puncher.
Two in the coo, one in the poo.
Two in the easy, one in the sleazy
Two in the rung, one in the dung
Two in the pounder, one in the rounder
Two in the cooter, one in the pooter
Two in the pump, one in the rump
Two in the grasshole, one in the asshole
Two in the rug, one in the plug
Two in the frollicks, one in the bollocks
Two in the punk, one in the bunk
Two in the pump, one in the rump
Two in the shooter, one in the tooter
Two in the fucker, one in the pucker
Two in the cha-cha, one in the ka-ka
Two in the choo-choo, one in the poo-poo
Two in the spunk, one in the bunk
Two in the funk, one in the stunk
Two in the ponanny, one in the shit cranny

Monday, July 09, 2012

Spiderman vs Batman Reboots

Batman Begins was a "reboot" where the director wanted to focus on the darker side of the Super Hero and as such has put together a trilogy (once the 3rd is released later this month) that has been exceptionally well done. The way the characters were used in this trilogy has been grand and the Batman has been pushed to his limits constantly in order to survive. I am eagerly awaiting for the conclusion to this trilogy even though when Batman Begins was released I just didn't care for it too much.

I hated Christian Bale. I especially hated his Batman voice. however, I have now watched it and The Dark Knight many times over and I really love this series for what it is. The Dark Knight is the reason I fell in love with it as I went in with low expectations and expected Heath Ledger to butcher the Joker (which was brilliantly played by Jack Nicholson back in 1989) and the movie to suck. To my surprise it instantly became one of my all time favorite movies.

Now, while Batman Begins comes out a mere 8 years after the last Batman movie - the horrible Batman & Robin - the reality is that by that time the Batman series had become a parody of itself and downright sucked.   The last Batman that I consider a "real' Batman was the only other one done by Tim Burton and that was Batman Returns.  After that they changed directors because Warner Brothers wasn't happy with the amount of money Batman Returns brought in and because of the director change and the direction that the new movies were going to go Michael Keaton decided it was time to hang up the suit and Val Kilmer came on.  It only got worse from there.  So, in my mind it is the time between 1992's Batman Returns and the reboot in 2005 that counts - 13 years.  The series came back fresh and has been amazing.  I am not looking forward to it ending and the next "reboot" that will happen.  Even without Christopher Nolan and (probably) Christian Bale I would love if they would be able to find someone to come up with some scripts in the same dark vein as The Dark Knight trilogy and continue the series instead of giving it another reboot.  And if we are forced to sit through a reboot I sure as hell hope they at least give us a decade off.

With that said lets now look at Spiderman. From 2002 through 2007 we had a Spiderman trilogy that was pretty good and financially successful.  Sam Raimi put together 2.5 good movies (that last movie had a ton of issues but some good points too).  The thing with Spidey is that over the years (in the comic books) the role of your friendly neighborhood web slinger was played by many different people in different settings.  As such the whole idea of a Spiderman reboot was 100% completely unnecessary because the universe is huge and there are a number of ways to go about putting someone else behind the mask.  Amazing Spiderman (which is what the new movie is) and Noir Spiderman, etc.
However, instead of continuing the series they decided to go with the reboot method.  One of my biggest problems with the reboot for this series is that the last movie was just released in 2007.  There have only been 5 years between our last interaction with Spidey and this new series.
Sure, Amazing Spiderman went with a new villain for the first movie but they pretty much just started it all over again.  Oh look, how many times are you going to kill off Uncle Ben?  Am I going to have to sit through this again in 10 years?

I really wanted to enjoy this new Spiderman movie but it was lacking because it hasn't been long enough since I saw the last versions and a lot of this movie was just recycled from the 2002 version of Spiderman. There are some differences but most of the plot is the exact same.  Dorky kid picked on in school has the hots from a hottie but is basically unnoticed and gets bitten by a spider.  Cure the montage where he is finding his powers and practicing his slinging and then poor old Uncle Ben takes a bullet and now we are seeking revenge and (even though used differently) ends up smack dab in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Thanks for making me watch basically the same movie a decade later with new actors.  This is why I wish they would have just continued the series - they could have used the same villain that they did but they didn't have to repeat the 1st 45 minutes to an hour to get us where we wanted to be - the action.

Yes, I will watch the 2nd and 3rd installments of this new Spiderman Trilogy (I'm assuming it's going to be a trilogy because everything is now a days) and I hope that much like with the Dark Knight movies my opinion will be swayed and I will fall in love with the whole series.  But, after watching the first movie I really just felt the urge to come home and pop in the Toby McGuire version so that I could watch Kristen Dunst in that wet T-shirt scene again.

Then again, maybe I'll just put in Bring it On which (for those of you who have not watched it) is a very good documentary into the lives of teenage cheerleaders and the hardships that they have to go through on a daily basis to escape persecution by the other teens in their high school and gain respect among their peers.  Oh, and Eliza Dushku.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Weight Loss Day 28 (1st Month Down)

The first month is down and the results are in.
First I'll start with the bad news which is that this is the 1st week where I have gained some weight instead of losing some weight.  That sucks, blows and a host of other words as well.
Whatever, one week is not the big picture and gains and loses are all on a fluctuating scale.  Next week I will be down again and that is all that matters.

The good news is that for this first month I have dropped 10 pounds and that is good and reasonable within the confines of a month.
If I am able to drop 10 pounds every month for the next couple of months then I'll be a happy camper and achieve one of my big goals by the end of September.

I have off of work until Thursday and when I'm not working it's harder to keep to my diet, but I'm prepared for that.  Today I really think is going to be quite a bad day for me as I'm craving Pizza and I'm going to give in to this craving. I will over indulge and then come Monday I'll be back on my wagon and striving towards a more perfect me (hard to believe, I know).

Last night at the poker table I broke out my bikini and while technically it did fit I do realize that I've gotta get down to that September weight goal in order to make it fight the way it did when I first moved to Vegas.  Operation "fit into your old clothes that you've refused to throw away for the last decade" is in effect SIR YES SIR!

I've got two other posts that I'm working on - one about the joy of breakups and one about shit said at poker tables.  Hopefully those will both be completed and up by the end of the day or the end of tomorrow.

Now that the 1st month is done and I've lost a few I really need to work on adding some of the exercise in. This will be easier when I live on the North Side as I've got quite a few people over there who hit up the gym regularly and will help keep me motivated.  Where I'm at now I do not have that strong supporting cast and it's left to my desire and motivation which.... well... like I said, I'm eating Pizza today :)

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Poker Laugh Fest 2012

So last night I head out to play poker with Stump and my sessions were 50/50. I lost at Harrah's but the table was damned good, I won at the IP and the table was fucking amazing.
Both tables were full of loud tasteless jokes and laughter by pretty much everyone involved.
The table at the IP was 4 hours worth of jokes, rudeness, humor, nicknames, everything you can think of. Several times the dealers were caught off guard and actually had to slow down or pause their actions because they were laughing so hard.  It was un-fucking-believable.

If I could have bought a copy of the Surveillance footage to take home I would have.
I also wish that I was recording the whole session because there is no way to really put into words the shit that happened.  I could come up with two Rob sized posts (his largest) and still not come close to fitting all of the good times that this table had.  No one could have taken enough notes to capture the true spirit of the game that was played last night and this morning I sit in awe of what actually occurred between the hours of 11pm and 3:30 am last night.

This was the first time I sat at a table that was so rowdy that the room supervisor basically hovered near our table for most of his shift looking for reasons to shut us up.  I swear he also cut off our entire table from drinks 3 times during the evening.  Maybe "cut off" is a bit harsh but I know that he told the waitress to just not come back as we were ordering 7+ drinks at a time and everyone was giving her money the moment she got back and placing new orders, there is no way it should have taken 45+ minutes for her to get her little ass back to us.

The floor supervisor also kept whispering to the dealers and I know that it was all devious stuff like "the next time the 2 seat says pussy, fuck or does any type of insult let me know immediately."  Willing to put money on that.

There was one point where 5 of the players had anywhere from attractive to hot chicks behind them watching them play and getting in on the jokes.
Sadly, one douche-bag left our table because the rest of us were not taking the game serious enough and this was AFTER he had gotten paid off once or twice when he probably shouldn't have been.

This is the first night I have ever played where I wish I would have gotten off my lazy ass earlier and made the business cards for my blog so that I could pass them out - 1 - to keep in touch with some of these funny fuckers and 2 - so that they could all recant portions of their version of this historic event for me to share with the world.  But I didn't and I couldn't and that's a bloody shame.

I have a full day ahead of me and it will probably end with Stump and I being heavily intoxicated and playing poker at Bills.  I wish I had a whole day just to sit down and remember different lines/jokes to type them out and include them here but alas that will not happen.
I will report that I raised with 3c5c and got paid off when I flopped a straight (though I should have gotten paid off more but someone folded).  I also called a raise with 6x9x and Announced my hand as I called. I asked for a very specific card on the turn to complete my hand and it came so I bet and ended up getting a lot of money from some guy because he just would not believe me.
Stump played The Grump tricky as he just checked when it got back to him in the big blind.  a 22x flop and 4 turn got him a bit of change.

Friday, July 06, 2012

This is what Josie wants

So, Josie says what she wants she gets.
And in her post she talked about wanting this with Waffles and myself -
Rob is supposed to be in there somewhere but until I get a real picture this will have to do.

Attack of Math part duex

So I've got this other post I'm working on but this is more important right now.
Today I went and paid a bill and then headed over to a local Blockbuster that is on the way home.
I stopped in and they have a promotion listed right in front of their used Blue Ray movies that says 5 for $20 and does not list a price point.  All, and I mean ALL of the Blue Rays in front of the sign are $9.99 each.

So, I grabbed 5 that I wanted and headed to the register.  I had to wait a minute as the obviously new cashier, CSR, GSR, WTFever she is was ringing up someone else and while waiting I grabbed an over priced soda because it's a long drive home and I need more sugar in my fat stream.

Finally it's my turn and the new chick is on the phone with someone that I'll be kind and assume was her manager who was not in the store and getting advice on how to be less stupid.  While gossiping on the phone she rings me up and totals me out and I'm about to swipe my card when I notice the price is over $10 too high.  She hangs up and I tell her the price is wrong.
She looks at everything and tells me that it's right and that my discount came off.
I ask if the Blue Rays are 5 for $20 and she says "Yes, they are" and I tell her that I only have 5 Blue Rays that I handed to her.
She tells me that the difference is coming from my Soda.
I told her the movies were 5 for $20, the Soda is not costing me over $10 since my total is $34.xx.
I ask her if she maybe scanned one of the movies twice by accident because a $9.99 movie is $10 bucks and my price is wrong by $10 bucks and she tells me that she did not make any mistakes at all.
I ask her to review her information because I'm not paying $34 for $20 worth of movies and a soda.
So, this is where she has computer problems and has to call her manager no less than 3 times and be on the phone for 20 minutes or so.
A line is forming.
Finally accidentally does the right thing and the computer is working again and she goes through her screen and tells me everything is fine, Everything is only on there once and the discount was taken off.
I ask her how much the discount is and she tells me $19.99.
I have to show her how to do the math and point out that 5 $10 movies equals $50, subtract $20 from that and you are left with $30 which is NOT what the promotion is listed at and NOT what she told me the promotion was.
I wish I could fucking make up the next sentence out of her mouth.
"Well, the difference is going to be your tax."
So I ask her what the tax rate is in Blockbuster because Las Vegas is only a little over 8% which is NOT going to come out to be $10 worth of tax.
I ask her if the promotion is wrong and the Blue Rays are 4 for $20 instead of 5 and she tells me that no, the promotion is 5 for $20 but she doesn't know why the computer is not giving the correct price.
She then tells me that she is going to make a horrible manager since she can't even figure out the computers and cannot come up with the correct price for my purchase.
So, I got the manager in training (which I'm hoping was just the shift supervisor and NOT a Store Manager in training) who is supposed to be one of the smart ones and she can't figure out that there is no way that there is $10 in tax.
She also tried to tell me that maybe my soda was more expensive than we thought it was.
More expensive than what? 2 bucks?  Are you telling me that my soda really cost $10 and this is the fucking reason you never sell them?

I wish my life were a movie so I could just go out to my car, pull out a bazooka and blow the fucking place up and then drive away.

To Bridge the Gap

Yesterday I was sick with some puke and the shits.
I ate something I shouldn't have and it violently left my body from both sides.
I guess that makes up for the gorging that I did the day before with hamburgers, hot dogs, chili cheese sauce, ribs, potatoes and snacks out the wazzou!
I still plan on being down come Sunday's weigh in.

This post is really to bridge the gap till my next real post though.  I've got one that I started when Rob mentioned Hugo's Cellar which is one of my favorite places to eat even though I only ate there once 6 years ago.  I will be going again but will probably have to take out a payday loan to make it :)

Saturday night appears to be a UFC night and as such it appears as though I'll be meeting up with Stump for Drinking and Violence.

Last night through the wonders of Playstation+ I downloaded Pac-Man Championship Edition DX for free and played it between not feeling well and sleeping.  It's pretty fun overall and a good twist on the old formula.  I love the fact that the real classics are still playable to this day.

Against my better judgement I'm going to work today even though my vacation starts the moment I walk out the doors and end my shift.  I've got the sick time to cover an extra day off and thus start my vacation this morning (with going back to sleep!!!).
My goal is a fair amount of Video Games and Poker over the course of these 5 days off.  So we'll see if I can start winning some of these 75% + situations or, if as Rob says, I used up all of my good luck in one session of poker and am now paying the consequences.

My motivation to work is approaching negative numbers as it has been the past two days.  Things slow down around the holidays and the work load lightens and for the first time in 3 months I'm annoyed that I've got help instead of alone so I can stretch everything out over the whole day.  Whatever.
When I come back next Thursday there will be 3 people and no one will know what to do.  I also might request adjusting my schedule back to 8-5 instead of this 6-3 business, those two extra hours of sleep are so precious.

Also - Lego Lord of the Rings

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Basic Math Should Not Be This Hard

Yet another example of the downfall of our civilization.
This is something that has been bugging me for a little while now and I keep running into it.
At first I played it off as something I misheard, but since then I have witnessed it two more times at my own store and it amazes and shocks me every single time.
People are stupid and getting dumberer.

Case in point. At what point in time did it become acceptable for people to not know basic fucking math? I’m talking basic math here, not algebra or calculus and I’m not even talking something as hard as multiplication or division. I’m talking simple addition and subtraction.

Maybe it’s the educational system out here in Las Vegas failing miserably but I’m pretty sure the problem is bigger than that even.

So, here are my situations.
I’m standing in line waiting to buy some sort of beverage so that I can make it home alive. The cashier is checking out a different customer and hits the wrong key, the drawer pops open and she asks her head cashier to pull out a calculator and figure out the difference between X and Y so that she can give correct change back.
This sticks in the back of my mind but I brush it off as an isolated incident. She could have been having a bad day, she could have been near the end of her day and distracted. She could have had a headache and just couldn’t do simple math. These things are possible.

A few days later I’m buying another beverage and for some strange reason I decide to pay with cash. The cashier gives me my total and I hand her a $20. She forgets to enter the amount that I’m handing her and instead just hits the cash button and the drawer pops open.
At this point she freezes realizing she just messed up and is about to call her head cashier. I stare in dis-fucking-belief.
The total for my purchase was (and I’m making up this number 100% - it’s just an example folks) was $2.44. This is not even math 101, this is beyond basic. This is shit we learn so early in school we can’t even point to a grade to identify it.
This is shit you NEED TO FUCKING COMPREHEND as a cashier in order to do your job correctly. It says on the papers for the position you applied for “Ability to comprehend basic math including addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.” If you are going to handle money how do you not know how to derive this answer for yourself?
If you are going to hire someone to handle money in your business who do you not find out if they can do something so simple?
It’s as easy as a 1 page test during the application process to be filled out in front of a manager. Here are a series of 10 questions, you must get these answers right 100% or you are too fucking stupid to run a register for my company.
So while she was reaching for the phone in a state of panic because she was being asked to think for 5 seconds I told her that she owed me $17.66 in change. She looked at me dumbfounded, I repeated the amount to her and she stated “I have no idea how you came up with that but I’ll believe you” and gave me my change.
I asked her if she seriously couldn’t figure it out and she said yes.
I then explained to her an easy way to do it and she still looked at me like I was fucking on crack and that this was more difficult than it should be.
I walked away.

Later I complained to one of the Head Cashiers who told me that she, also, could not perform such a basic function if she made the same mistake.
I give up on the human race as a whole.
(I know there was a mistake up above - I just wanted to see who would catch it and who wouldn’t notice until they got to this point and then had to look back to figure it out. It was intentional.)

I can't stop listening to this song so I share it with you