Friday, August 31, 2012

I need to learn to shut up sometimes

The thing is that no matter how much I bitch and moan about things that I don't like and what is wrong at work, I really do want it to be the best place there is to go to.  I like what I do (most of the time) and that's why I have been there for so long.  I just get old, jaded and bitter because I really expect other people who are currently making a career of working with me to respect their job, their peers and the customers and to do the best they possibly can.  I know this doesn't happen, people are lazy and don't give a shit but I still expect it.
When it doesn't happen it annoys the piss out of me. This is how you are supporting your family and you are telling me that you're not willing to put forth the effort to do a good job?  I don't get it and I never will - so when I'm bitter and cranky and bitching about work it's usually because someone just doesn't care about their job as much as I think they should.

The following is one of the reasons why I'm thankful that I'm not a salaried employee.
This week I showed up the past 6 days.  One of those days was short, but it was still going to work 6 days none-the-less.  My big mouth volunteered myself to come in for a couple of hours on each of Saturday and Sunday (my scheduled days off this week) to do some extra work and then just cut those hours by leaving early a couple of days during the week.  The leaving early part sounds great because my shifts are all 11-8's this coming week.  If I put in two hours each on Saturday and Sunday then I'll have 4 days where I can cut an hour and leave at 7, or two days where I'll cut two hours and leave at 5 (only working a 6 hour shift means not having to take a lunch).
My next day off will then be 2 Sunday's from now which means I will have come into work every day for 14 straight days.  If I were salaried I would do stuff like this much more often.  I don't like cutting hours during the week because there is so much work to get done.  Working over one day to make sure everything gets done just means that another day later in the week the work is going to suffer and I'm going to have to rely on someone else to pick up the slack and I don't particularly like that much.
Whatever, tis life and I'll have to deal with it.  As I said, glad I'm not salary or I'd be putting in 50-60 hour weeks regularly most likely.

This coming Monday we have two new members of upper management starting which means two new people to break in.  I'm not 100% looking forward to that because I've grown comfortable with the crew I've had and I know my limits.  New people means that there will be a feeling out phase where I'm not sure exactly how they will react to what I do and how I handle situations, so this will be some fun times I suppose.  I don't feel that there should be any issues but one really never knows.

I'm hoping to have something fun and exciting to write about after tomorrow.  I have plans to head out and booze it up while watching some local comedians with a friend.  However, now that said friends car has caught on fire she might not be up to going out for the evening and I might have to pull a George Thorogood and ....

Thursday, August 30, 2012

The young and Mentally Exhausted.

Work is taking a bigger toll on me than normal lately.  Getting myself into a position where I'm the Store Managers right hand man when it comes to miscellaneous projects certainly adds a whole lot to the stress bank.
I got to, pretty much on my own, come up with the parameters of a contest for the rest of the store down to everything but the prizes.  This was something that I was told about 20 minutes before I went home and was told that "think about it and let me know what you come up with tomorrow when I come in."

I started work at 6 am the next morning and the store manager came in at noon - which gave me precisely 6 hours to come up with how everything would work so that I could present it to her, and then we presented it to the rest of the management staff at 2pm during the weekly meeting.

My involvement was mostly supposed to end there as she was going to type up and format everything so that the information could be communicated to the store the next day as the contest then started on Thursday (today).  However, as I learned upon arriving Wednesday, she ended up having a family emergency and did not get to the information and was not coming in that day either.  grrouch to the rescue!
I worked for a few hours to get it looking pretty and presentable so that most everything would be in place.

Today I scrambled to get more info out to people and make sure things went smoothly as quite a bit of the staff had no idea what exactly was going on.  Lots of explaining, lots of prepping and lots of talking today but I think most stuff went smoothly.

A friend decided to read me the riot act as her position is such that it's harder to earn entries into the drawing for these prizes that will be given out, but some smooth talking later I got her back to my side begging to have a 5 Guys Burgers and Fries lunch with me (though she ducked out early and then acted all shocked when I ate it on my own)!!  Just kidding lady, :)

Tomorrow I've got a few more hours of work to put into making things run good so that the rest of the weekend will go off without a hitch while I'm not working.  Work is also going to be a short day which means that I've got to focus early and often to make sure I don't get side tracked by other issues.
I'm almost thinking I should show up Saturday and Sunday for an hour or two just to make sure that everything that needs to get done gets done, but I guess that depends on how much I drink and how sleepy I am.

On top of all that the store is going through some major training from the top down because the company has decided to rethink the way it deals with customers and as such that means the company has also come up with new training plans for this approach.  I've been with the company for almost 10 years now and it's actually a pretty radical new approach to everything and I'm looking forward to seeing the transformation happen.  However the big issue comes to the fact that everyone is going to have to be trained and be on board with the new program, which is where I come in.
I'm basically being treated like one of the members of upper management as my major task over the next 6+ months is training training training.
Because of hours I missed the training last Friday but was told by the store manager that she really didn't like it and she wants me to brainstorm with her and come up with something better.  So I'm sure this is going to take quite a lot of my time and attention at the beginning of next week  - specifically because by the end of next week the training sessions are going to start right up again.

Fe Fi Fo Fum, I think I smell exhaustion.
I haven't touched another program that I'm in charge of which of course is Full Store Training and yet another which is more focused on the two extremes of the store while mostly ignoring the soft and squishy middle part (for now at least).
I damned well better get the next promotion opportunity that comes my way after all of this.  Maybe it's my test to see what I'm capable of?
Maybe it's a test to see how long it takes to break me?
Maybe I was wearing boxers and sat down too fast and squished my testes and cried for 30 minutes.
Child birth has nothing on that feeling - women exaggerate that shit.
Pshaw, minor taring, whatever.

And, for all of you who made it this far.....I Present to thee.....

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Darkly Dreaming Dexter

I have watched Season 1 and 2 of Dexter before and absolutely love the show.
However, due to being a huge f'n cheap-ass I have never gotten further in the series (also doesn't help that netflix doesn't carry it).   So, I finally found a deal on Seasons 1-5 now that 6 just was released on DVD/Blue and am starting to go through the show from start to current.

I forgot just how much I really love this show.  Tonight I watched 2 episodes but I have the urge to skip sleep (and work tomorrow) so that I can continue to watch until the wee morning hours.

Once I finish the first season I'm going to grab the first book as well for my Kindle Fire and read through that. I've heard it follows season 1 pretty well, but I'd like to see how it was written and compare it to the awesome show that it has spawned.

That is pretty much all - I've had a few beers and some conversation since I started the 1st episode (only finished 2 tonight) and need to pass out.
Monster has (once again) stolen my blanket and half my pillows, bastard.


Bacon and Blowies

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Weight Loss Day 77 and 50k

Yesterday was the magical day.
Even with August being a month where I cut my blogging by about half I still managed to hit the 50,000 views mark thanks to all of you loyal peeps who come and check out my words daily.
Of course I do have some help from some great guest posts by Splitter, Flops and RVP (my new secret identity alias for Rob over on Rob Vegas Poker).

In other news my weekly Weight Loss post is tacked onto my 50k post.
It's been a few weeks since I decided to post about this but it's about time I get back into the routine.

The past 3 weeks I have done good throughout the week with controlling what I eat and shedding a pound or two only to have it all blown up by a great night of indulgence.  I'm not complaining about it because for about two months now my weight has stayed very consistent, I haven't been gaining anything back even though I'm not the healthiest of eaters out there.
This week I made a change and that is I stayed in on Saturday - not really by choice but by force.  My drinking buddy flew out of town yesterday and the other person who I have been spending most of my time with worked until 11 pm or something.
I wanted to hit up the comedy show at Shifty's but I decided that since I had to get up at 5 am in order to get  to works quarterly meeting that it would just be better if I stayed in and took the night off.
So, no pre-planned over indulgence like I wanted but the good news is that I have actual results and progress in the weight loss category.
I had been hovering around 268.2 and today I came in at 265.8 or a 2.4 pound loss.

Now I look ahead to September and see that it's going to be quite the busy month, too much going on to fit into the normal 27 calendar days. 
At the end of the month I have visitors coming in, two sets of them in fact and I really want to push myself to be under 260 by the time they arrive.  This will put me 40 pounds lighter than my heaviest and the lightest any of these folks would have seen me in a long long time.

My parents Anniversary is in September.
Monster's Birthday is in September

So, until about the last week of the month I really have no excuses to not lose weight. No visitors, no pretending to be a tourist, no nothing.  Just packing, cleaning, eating healthy and maybe playing some video games.  Money is of the utmost importance since I actually have budgeted a negative cash flow for the month and as such no eating out, no bar beer, no "oh lookie, I really wanted a elephant trunk jock strap."

Also for the first time ever I find myself asking an important question - How many pant sizes should I drop before I stop tightening the belt and just buy new clothes?
I think the answer is going to be 4-5 because I'm a cheap MoFo!

So, I leave you with this.
The amount of weight I have lost thus far is best represented by the amount of pot in the picture below - 34 pounds.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

My Favorite Things

Three times in the past couple of weeks I have heard or seen (written) someone start with the first couple of lines of this old and classic song.
The problem is that I do not actually know the lyrics and yes, I do realize that I can webcrawl to find out what they are.
However, this is not a solution that I want to take.  I, instead, constantly sing the John "Dr Dirty" Valby version of the song instead and it is his lyrics that have stuck with me since high school.

Blow Jobs and Hand Jobs and Eating Clitoris
Watching your grandmother douche with Lavoris.
Brown pubic cunt hairs and toilet bowl rings.
These are a few of my favorite things.....

Having my balls tied up with a lasso
hamburger helper being pounded up my asshole
eating out princesses and jerking off kings
these are a few of my favorite things...

Ok, now that we got the offensive stuff out of the way, lets get into a few of the grrouch's favorite things.

The Frumps
Stephen Lynch

Stephen Wright

I'll Parlay that for Two Dollars

Now I ain't back just for the sake of saying I'm back, I've got a couple of things to post about in the upcoming week and as long as I don't overbook my time like I have been lately I darn well plan on getting them posted up here on this ole blog o'mine!

Last night I went out and hung out with Coach for about 4 hours talking about sports betting and all that other jazz.  I don't know if I have mentioned it here or not (I know I have said it on his blog in a comment or two) but I have never, not even once, placed even a single sports bet in my life.  So, this football season is going to be an interesting one for me as I plan on busting that cherry.  I mean, I am living in Las Vegas, Home to 2100 sports books and casino's.
I do believe I will be sticking strictly to the Pro games because I don't know enough about college to even begin to make sense of that mess.  Teams favored by 37 points? That's absurd to me.

I'm holding off on any preseason games because those are too much of a gamble but I'm really looking forward to week 1.  After looking over Coach's sheet for the week one games there were some things that really stood out to me and I really wish I had been there at the time those lines were printed.  A few of them I fully expect to have changed by now to correct some obvious (to me) good picks.  Of course, I'm a rank amateur talking out of his ass currently but I just don't see how Arizona could be favored over Seattle for the week 1 game.

Coach tells me that the Riviera has $2 parlay cards where you can pick up to 10 teams for a "get damned lucky" big payout and I think I'll be playing a few of those every week for the thrill of it.

I've got a lot of work to put into this so that I go in with good knowledge and am not like the countless masses who pretty much just all bet by gut and end up donating their money to the books week after week.

It's going to be a fun football season!

Speaking of which, we are in full swing of week 3 of the pre-season and the Steelers play tonight.  Looking forward to watching the starters there. Also looking forward to watching more Andrew Luck earlier in the day as he goes up against the RG3 led Skins.

Staying on the football conversation but switching to a slightly different fantasy - Strat:
The draft is starting to wind down and everyone is now searching for those diamonds in the ruff that are 0's or at least low rated guys this year who will blow up and become tomorrows studs.  I've picked up some players that I really like and hope they develop.
I made a trade for Jason Worilds, the Steelers OLB who is in line to replace Harrison as his career winds down. I tried to snatch up Chris Carter as well but my buddy got him earlier in the round where I was going to grab him.
I grabbed McClendon from the Steelers as well since he is inline to be the starter this year at DNT.
My roster is very RB heavy right now as I'm looking for someone to develop into the stud I need them to be.  Last year I was good with my RB's but this year I see a lot of potential.
The worst guy that I have is Moreno. He is limited but his card is too good to not keep.  He could be a real playoff difference maker if I can fight my way into the playoffs this year.
I've also got Lance Ball from Denver as I see McGahee not being able to replicate last years numbers and needing more help.  I picked up Ronnie Brown because Matthews is hurt.  Brown is not a long term solution but I'm hoping that he gets some good quality starts at the beginning of the year and puts up some good yards in the potentially explosive Chargers Offense.
My starter and main guy is C.J. Spiller who I expect big things out of this year as he continues to develop into the stud that I think he is, and then I have Blount from Tampa who I hope continues to put up 4+ yards per carry while splitting carries with the rookie Martin.
Lastly I have a guy who I really expect big things from. Rashard Jennings.  This has been a really good pre-season for him with the whole MJD hold out and he is a big part of the reason why the Jags feel good telling MJD to go take a flying fuck if he thinks they are going to cave into his demands for a big contract as he enters the iffy zone for RB's.  Sure MJD has a couple good years left in him but with RB's no one knows when those wheels will finally fall off and he'll look pedestrian like Turner in Atlanta did last year.  Jennings however is a young stud who is impressing everyone and proving that he is the future of the team along with the other young guys like Gabbert.  So, MJD, keep holding out and let my boy blossom because your hold out is the whole reason why Jennings is going to get his shot and hopefully he's too good to have them even care about you!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dear Josie - Ka Within

Yeah, it's becoming less frequent.  I must have sat on my fucking muse because I haven't heard from that bitch in quite a while now.
It's not that I stopped loving you all, it's just that I've been running around like a much younger man trying to regain my former glory.  Doing drugs, banging broads and acting a fool.
Well, all except the drugs and broads part.

This came in the mail for me today and I knew that I had to get a picture of it online for Josie as she would truly appreciate it.

Now that my weight has started to dip down into normal realms (well, my life time of normal that is) I'm able to actually get a few fun shirts again which is nice.  Not able to wear them at work so I can't go overboard (and I pretty much go over-fucking-board on everything I do) but one for every day of the year should be sufficient right?

Work has been quite the blur lately.  For about 5 straight working days I was involved in some sort of all day meeting.  It appears as though I'm a vital part of my stores future.  I've become the right hand grunt of the store manager which is a good and a bad thing as I'm sure you can all work out for yourselves.

Melissa takes off on Saturday and even though we only hang out twice (and maybe Thrice before she's gone) I'm going to miss having her back in town on an extended stay.  However, I do believe there is a chance she will be back sometime around the end of September with my favorite Red Head!  This I'm looking forward to as well.
And now that I think about it, I'm fucking glad to see her go because it's a pretty good feeling to be expecting someone to visit.  People who live here are always within arms length, you just have to reach out and make contact.  But when someone is out of town it's more exciting and you start to look forward to their presence.  So, drinking buddy.  Get on that plane and get the hell out of town, I can't wait till you come back!
Pretty much the same as the old saying, "I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave."

End of September is going to be quite busy.  One of my oldest and best friends is going to be in town on business for a few days and then spend a few extra pleasure days as well.  Also my second family will be in town again and I can't wait to see them again.  I truly miss them in the year that I don't get to see them so I'm quite excited for their arrival.

And now it's time for a power nap.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Does that Include Kids?

Last night could have went one of a million different ways.  It all started because I had the weekend off and Saturdays generally lead to mass boredom.  The problem exists that if I don't work on Saturday I generally do not have anything to do.
So, as the day wore on and my fantasy draft came to a crashing halt and because I do not have DirecTv currently there was no pre-season games on TV I decided to just go do something.
A few phone calls later and it appears as though I'm going it alone.

Decided to give Naked City Pizza a try since I have heard good things about it from multiple people. It's also been featured on Diners, Drives and Dumpsters or something which is always a good thing.  The one here in Vegas is inside of a bar called Moon Doggies (I think) and it's down on Arville and Desert Inn.

Going there ended up being quite the wise choice.
At first I was greeted with the typical bar scene, and this one was a bit on the narrow side with a Jukebox in the middle.  Constantly going to the Jukebox was quite an attractive piece of white trash with great legs and an ass that could kill.
Unfortunately the bar was dark and turning on my flash to get a better photo would have probably been considered rude, so the best I have is this.  The bartender was no slouch in the looks department either but alas I did not snap a photo of her because within 10 minutes of me getting to the ...... Oh, lets go back a step.

Upon arrival, other than noticing the leggy blonde with the nice ass, I made my way to the bar for a beer to relax to and enjoy the scenery, take everything in before deciding what to order.  I was just about to go for my standard drink when I noticed that they had Labatt Blue on tap.
Blue, for those of you who don't know, is a Canadian beer that is more widely available on the east coast and pretty much a rare find out here in Vegas.  Of course, being one of the only two beers I really drank in PA, it would have to be hard to find out here.  Normally I partook of the "light" variate but beggars cannot be choosers.  So the beer wench strolls over to me and I promptly order a Blue and of course tweet about it.
One of the friends in my Strat league retorts that he would have held out for a Yuengling. I'm pretty sure he was just rubbing my nose in the fact that Yuengling is awesome and great tasting and west of the Mississippi it's pretty much just a Myth.  Oh how I could go for a six pack or 3 :)

So, sitting down with my beer and observing everything about the blonde, life gets interrupted by a guy asking to find his way to the bathroom.  He gets pointed in the right direction and made fun of a little bit but off he goes.  Less than 10 minutes later one of the staff from the Pizza joint says that he is passed out on the floor and proceeds to enlist another person to help him up.  This drunk patron of the arts, it turns out, is with the blonde that keeps standing up for the express purpose of showing me her ass.
Two guys head back and get him, basically one guy on each arm picks him up and drags him back to the bar area.  They get the keys to the car from the blonde and drag him outside and leave them in her car.
Of course, he was just at the bathroom which means that his pants are not secured properly and as they are dragging him his pants are slowly coming off.  By the time they hit the door he magically turned into one of these new fangled cool black kids that wears their pants somewhere between their knees and the hole in their ass, except this guy didn't have the advantage of having underwear covering up everything else.
When they get back in they discover that this guy has a new, fresh beer that is untouched.  So, instead of letting it go to waste one of them decides it would be a great idea to just down the thing.
Within 30 seconds this guy is hunched over a garbage can and puking.
Once he is done with that, I'd say 2 minutes later, the drunk guy that they just dragged out to the car walks back into the bar, normal as anything.
Unfortunately at this point he pretty much starts dominating the attention of the blonde and is trying to get her to make out with him at the bar and blah blah blah.

Shortly there later a friend shows up so we can indulge in some pizza that I had ordered somewhere during the story I was telling above.
The pizza came out and it was average at best, my buddy didn't really like it.
I had not eaten but two salads in the last two days and average or exquisite I was hunger and devoured about half of it. Looking back now I think where the problem existed with the pizza is that the bread was a bit too thick and there really was not a whole lot of sauce on it at all.  The cheese and pepperoni were both good but there was just something lacking.
I could totally see myself devouring a lot of it if I were to drink at that fine establishment more often just because when drinking I heart bar food.  uh-huh.

The Labatt was exquisite though I wish they did have the light variety as I am trying to watch my waist, and by that I mean between the pizza and beers last night I indulged way too much and ruined a weeks worth of weight loss and work and promptly gained it all back.  Oh well, back to square one!

After pizza my buddy and I decided to go bowling.
I love bowling but I suck at it.  I haven't gone very often since moving to Vegas but this is something I want to rectify.  Other than my last game I'm ok with my scores, but that last game really was horrible.  I stopped hitting pins, I stopped picking up spares.  I pretty much just started sucking.  Maybe I needed more beer.

grrouch: 132, 144, 111 - 387 total for an average of 129
friend:  142, 126, 114 - 382 total for an average of 127.3333

So, even though I only won 1 of 3 games, I still won the average war!

Tonight the Steelers play and it should be on TV. I might end up watching with my good drinking Buddy Melissa (whom you should all remember from The Dead Liver Diaries)  somewhere that includes beer.  Her mother comes into town tomorrow or Tuesday and I think I've got a night of drinking with mother and daughter, but only time will tell.

I almost hit publish and then looked at my title realizing that I forgot one last take away from being at the bar.
Between the drunk being dragged out of the place and ordering my pizza another patron of the fine arts entered the establishment and walked up to one of the servers and asked.
"I noticed the sign outside says you must be over 21 to enter, does that include kids?"
The bartender had to explain that being a bar, children were not allowed in or they would be subject to large fines.  This is why they have the rule of "21 or older."
To which the gentleman just stood there, unblinking and restated his question.  "Yeah, but does that include kids?"

Oh, to live a day in his mind with that dead gerbil.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Never go above and beyond.

The past two days have been spent doing nothing but going to meetings.  Yesterday was a "surprise" meeting as I got a call at around 8pm the night before from my store manager saying "hey, xxx can't make it so I need you to change your plans tomorrow and go to xxx meeting."  So, I did.
Then today was a planned meeting which took up the majority of my shift.  It's almost like having an additional two days off.

I work Friday and Monday and have another 6+ hour meeting on Tuesday that is all about the future of our company, the direction we are going in and how we are going to achieve it.  Fun shit right?
However, on Monday I received an email stating I had to attend the meeting and that on Tuesday I'd get a link to some "pre work" training that needed to be completed before going to the meeting.  By the end of my shift Tuesday I never received said link so I sent the store manager an email stating such.
Wednesday while I was at my meeting I got an email response from the store manager restating that there was a meeting this coming Tuesday and a link to a web page which said the exact same thing and at the bottom said "Tuesday you will be receiving another email with a link to pre work training....."

So, Today I spent some time talking to the store manager and asking about the pre-work which she insisted she sent the link out for . Finally another manager also joined in saying that he never received it either.  So, after leading her through the succession of communications that we had gone through I made her realize that she didn't do what she thought she did.  20 minutes after that she finally found the link she was looking for and sent it out to everyone.

Tomorrow now becomes a busy day.  I've got to do all my pre-work training, I've got to compose an email summary talking about the Wednesday meeting, what I got out of it and how I'm going to proceed with the information.  I also have to compose an email to management about the training that occurred today and what I got out of all of it.  What is going to change and how it's going to change and how I'm going to present it to store management on down.  Create an action plan and yadda yadda yadda.

Oh the joy's of being "special."

The lesson - never go above and beyond - recognition only leads to getting handed more responsibility. :)

Monday, August 13, 2012

More Football

I'm pretty sure I'll be done talking about football in the near future but today has pretty much been football dominated.

Right now the Cowboys vs Raiders is on TV and I have been knee deep in my Strat draft pretty much all day (even though very few picks have been made) so my mind is 100% tuned-in to football.

So, let me get to my bitch right now.  The game is being watered down by instantly reviewing everything at every opportunity, and they are still fucking it up.
Case in point - Raiders first drive and Carson Palmer throws an interception which is returned to the 37 yard line or whatever.  They go to commercial while the play is being reviewed (because EVERY single turnover is going to be reviewed this year) and when they come back we get to see some other angles and hear the decision.
The Decision? The play stands.
However, during the replays it clearly shows that while he was making the interception and going to the ground the Raider receiver CLEARLY touched him, which should be down by contact near the 5 yard line.  But, I guess that part of the replay got ignored.
If you are reviewing the turnover you should also review how the turnover finished.  I'm not talking looking for penalties or anything but placement of the ball should count for something.
I know that these are replacement officials but the guys up in the replay booth are the same as last year (which was made public by the announcers) and they should be giving some sort of guidance.

Here is the confession - pre-season football bores me.  I genuinely hate it.  I love football once it hits the regular season and post season and can watch pretty much every game every week if I had the ability and opportunity, but pre-season just bores the shit out of me.  Position battles, back ups, guys who's names I'll learn long enough to last until the pre-season is over only to be regulated to the practice squad somewhere and hopefully given another shot the next year while competing against all the newly drafted rookie future stud muffins.  It's pretty much the same reason why I don't follow college football, just too many new names to learn every year since the change is constant with most players being on a 3 or 4 year rotation at most before becoming professional football players, doctors, lawyers or crack addicts.

In fact, the game is still on but I stopped paying attention after the play I referenced above.  I started doing other things like searching Youtube for Isaac Hay's "Chocolate Salty Balls" and the scene where Cartman gets offered to fuck an Asian lady.
I'm like a puppy, easily distracted.
So, two pictures of puppies before I hit publish.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Yeah - It's That Time Again!

I really don't understand how I even exist during football's off season. It must be sheer willpower to get myself through the horrible boring months in order to get back to what I love most about life, my penis football!

My Strat-O-Matic draft officially kicks off tomorrow morning but if the guy with the #1 decides to pick today he can get the ball moving.  I currently sit with the #7 pick in the draft but I'm 98% positive that pick will be traded before the 1st pick even gets taken.  In fact, after the 1st pick gets taken I've got another trade lined up as well.  I'm looking forward to announcing them because both trades will improve the value of my team quite a bit.

In preparation for my draft (which I have not prepared for much other than what I'm doing today) I've got about 4 spreadsheets open that I'm editing and moving things around in.  I've got a spreadsheet with how my team currently looks and I've got one with how I think it might look if things fall into place.  I've also got a list of players I want to take and players I'm willing to take.
Coming into this draft my Offensive Line resembles the Pittsburgh Steelers - full of holes, but sadly I have no Pouncey to try and hold it all together.  I've gotta sure that up a bit but I just can't seem to find a place where I'm willing to draft what is available.
My defensive line is, right now, Really Awful.  Like Shitty Titty Gang Bang bad.  I've got one player who has good pass rush but can't run stop worth anything and that's it.  I need to draft a Starting Defensive End and a nose tackle.
My linebackers are looking better as I've got two Middle Linebackers who are good against the pass and run but I have ZERO outside linebackers.  My Defensive Backs will be ok.

All this was typed earlier and instead of hitting delete I'm just going to hit submit.  The draft has kicked off officially as the 1st pick was made.  I don't have a pick until the end of the 1st round but I'm looking forward to see what is available.

Good night and good blah

Friday, August 10, 2012

In Which I ramble

I'm not 100% sure what the hell is going on here but back in may Splitter was kind enough to make a special guest post on my blog and lately the hits have really been racking up for that particular post.
It has just as many hits as all of my other blog posts combined in the past week or (perchance) even longer.
Whatever, I'll take the traffic any way I can get it.
On that note, the number one way people are finding my blog is via the search word "lesbian" so I've got that going for me.

I will also be passing the 50k page hits mark in the near future which is a pretty f'n cool thing if I do say so myself.

None of that is what I came here to talk about today though.  I came to talk about changes.

Yesterday Carmel and I spent some time together and both acted like perfect adults.  There was no arguing, no accusations no outward ill will or any of the other things that we have come to expect over the course of the past year or so.  We got together and finalized the last bit of paperwork for the house and talked like normal adults.  On the bell curve this currently falls somewhere around fucking outlyer.

So with that being said I'm now less than two months from having to physically move every bloody thing I own one more time.  I've only done it like 40 other times during my life so what is one more right?  Last time I enlisted the help one one friend, this time I'm going to expand exponentially and enlist the help of upwards of 4 friends.  While this might be hard for some of you to believe, I might actually have four friends who happen to live within some proximity of me who actually would help me get all of my shit from point A to point B.  (one of them is just going to be on Vacation and visiting so I have yet to tell him how he is spending his Vegas Vacation yet - Sucker!!)

In all honesty, I fucking hate packing more than I hate moving.

Referenced and Linked above is "the penis mightier than the sword" C.S. Splitter who, as I hear rumblings from his editor, is almost completed with his 3rd book "The grrouchie."
(working title that I just made up, may or may not be true).
As I was talking to his editor today I told her how excited I was to actually see myself in print form (if you didn't know, I'm going to be a fictional character in the book and at one point I heard through the rumor mill that I might not die and could end up in book #4 *nudge nudge*).  Of course she then alluded to she couldn't wait either and was the one tasked with making me look good, er, I mean making his book look good and readable.
So, I'm now asking for everyone to donate to my Paypal account so I can pay her off as she edits me magnificently so that everyone falls in love with the character and clamorous for more until I am a folk hero legend with a cult following and millions and millions of letters are sent to Splitter demanding my own Spin Off Novel, Series, TV Show and Movies.  I want action figures and plushies and a fucking T-shirt that says "I survived a Splitter Novel as a extra."
Oh, I'm going to be so famous in my own mind!

And lastly I want to mention that even though it hasn't been brought up in the past couple of months I am still constantly thinking about my future career as an Open Mic Comic.
While I have yet to use her talents and services, the lovely Linda Lou will be taken advantage of (left up to your imagination).  I feel blessed to have randomly made such a contact who is also a nice person, outgoing and actually wants to help out someone aspiring to torture himself in such a manner.

My plans have never changed but life is all about having to be in the right place to do things properly.  I am slowly getting to that right place, I feel it's just around the next corner or two, maybe over the next hill but the time is coming.  With that said I've also made another contact who currently happens to live in the greater Pittsburgh area and is a Die Hard Steelers fan as well.
This contact also is thanks to the Internet (so thank you Al Gore for inventing that for me).  She is the aunt of one of my Facebook pals whom I worked with at my current Retail job and actually cuts the hair for my mother.  The niece, not the aunt. I confused myself.  In the interest of confusion I'm not editing any of that - screw you guys, figure it out yourself.
Anyways, this person added me on Facebook recently and we started talking about the Steelers and other things of awesome import when somehow it was discovered that I'm interested in being an entertainer (not that type) and want to give comedy a try.  This is when I found out she has somewhat of a background in writing (comedy specifically) and totally wants me to leech off of her teat and will allow me to use her as a resource as well to help me achieve my goals.

Right now I think the world is in love with me and great things will be happening.
And as the great Jim Morrison once said.
C'mon and Touch Me Baby!
OoOoooo, yeah, right there.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

About time to get back to church!

Today I'm officially feeling a bit beat up, run down and sore after voluntarily helping to unload and put away the freight truck yesterday.
My first thought was that it would be good exercise and that I could really use the workout.  When I arrived I immediately decided to be one of the two people in the truck sending all the merch down the conveyer belt for everyone else to sort and separate.  I know that my peeps have a system of pallets set up for every department where the merch is sent so that it can be distributed and I also know that I do not have those memorized and as such if I were one of the ones loading the pallets it would take longer because I'd constantly be searching for where in the hell to put everything.
However, another consideration was the fact that inside the truck it would be about 300 degrees and it would help me to sweat like a MoFo, which is precisely what happened.  2 and a half hours later the truck was empty and I was really feeling like I might need a sponge bath and a change of underwear.  Neither of those happened unfortunately and I was stuck walking around with swamp nuts for the remainder of my shift until I got home and was finally able to shower.
All in all I'm quite happy with how well I felt that I contributed to everything and depending on my schedule I'd really like to help out once a week in order to get the hell out of my normal office for a bit and do something else.   I don't really feel like this is something management will really let me get away with too much as it's taking an entire day away from me doing my actual job but it never hurts to try.

The overlying issue is that I'm getting to that point with my job that I don't want to be there. I need a change, I need to switch departments and try something new.  I search the job postings daily looking for anything that reaches out and grabs me by the balls and says "Apply for this" however part time hardware positions don't really scream excitement.
The other issue that I face is the fact that my current position, while much shittier than before for various reasons, affords me to take off every single Sunday of the year.
Everyone knows that Sunday is the holy day.  A day to get in touch with ones maker, eat poorly and have a few (too many) beers.  A day to hang out with other members of the brotherhood in celebration of life, liberty and the pursuit of the Stairway to Seven.

Today, for me, the preseason officially begins as the Steelers take on the Eagles.  I, however, will be working and not enjoying being there while there is football being played. Doesn't matter that it's preseason, I want to watch my boys and see the position battles. I want to cheer them on live and on TV and not from a video I found online after the fact.
But, it will all be OK because, after all, it really is just the preseason.  These are the games that really only matter to a select few who are fighting for a roster spot. It's not like my team has any big time competitions for starting positions going on.  This is a time for my new offensive linemen to develop and gel so that they can lead Number 7 and his band of misfits to Number 7.  This is a time for the defense to get over its aches and pains and get to the point where once again they are proving that age is just a number and no matter what Warren Sap things, we ain't over the hill - we're primed and ready to be number 1 again, number one with a vengeance.

So, won't everyone join me in church this year as we pray?

Tuesday, August 07, 2012


I am not sure if this is something that should be admitted, but I love being drunk.
That feeling between buzzed and fucked up is one of the best feelings in the world and if you get to share it with others then more power to you.

However, once I get in that "zone" I do admit to some un-pure thoughts.
The first being Del Taco.

I know I have said this before (and I think VegasDWP commented) but when I'm drunk I sure do love me some Del Taco.  I've got this huge craving for it right now but I don't feel that risking driving there and back is really worthwhile.

I want to order 4-8 taco's and some of their hot sauce and just chow down.  Oh does that sound tantalizing right about now.

So, to all you sober people - I'm sorry.
To all my drunk peeps - someone stop by Del Taco for me and chow down a bit since I don't get to.

Now, to get some sleep and wake up way too bloody early.
I accidentally volunteered myself to wake up early and go help unload the truck and throw freight and I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to be capable of doing that but I'll try my damnedest.

And here is a link to the reason why I love the band Sweaty Nipples - Enjoy

What Time is it?

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Of Fat Guys and Old Men

This all stems from something that I heard ages ago when I was just a young lad.  Over the years I have recanted it many times when the proper situation arises and tonight while lying down with my puppy love I randomly happened to think about the second part of this post.
Before anyone asks, NO - I have no bloody clue why the second part of this "observation" was even in my head.  My mind doesn't work properly. My "empty thoughts" are not the same as everyone else's.  Some people day dream about a hot broad that they saw in passing two weeks ago and want to bang, I day dream about things that I usually don't freely admit until I find a way to blog about them :)

Unlike our female counterparts the male mind revolves around a very limited number of things.  Boobs, Beer, Pizza/Wings, football and vagina's.  Not necessarily in that order, but those are the big ones.  You can make some substitutions depending on the man and his location in the world.  For instance, if he's Canadian you can get rid of Football and replace it with Hockey.  If he's from the south maybe Nascar instead.  If he's from the bible belt or went to Penn State then you can throw in little boys and NAMBLA meetings. You get my point.

Rob touches the Boobs all the time so I can skip that one for this evening.  Football will also be skipped and instead of I'm to give a little focus on the others while leading into the main event.

Fat Guys have smaller dicks.
That is a very blunt statement and not 100% factual, but it's a good generalization.  I have done extensive research and other than Ron Jeremy and an occasional nameless others you don't see a whole lot of fat guys in porn.  The other thing you really don't see in porn are huge muscular weight lifting types.  There is a reason for this.
Human flesh is an amazing organ.  At birth we are all pretty much the same size and weight and from there we all grow to different proportions, and with this growth our flesh grows with us and generally never complains.  However, there are limitations that were never conceived for our flesh and it is these limitations that cause the issue.  You see, the human race was never meant to be obese or overly muscular.  We started out as hunter gatherers who constantly had to get exercise just to eat and most of the time did not have an over abundance to eat on any regular basis.  It wasn't until our intelligence (and vanity) developed that we stared to see people's sizes changing disproportionately.
It is these changes that have caused the male penis to shrink (ladies, aren't you happy you know?).  The flesh can only expand so much.  As certain areas reach their limits they have to start pulling that flesh from other areas in order to maintain balance and not rip and cause issues.

Fat guys have large bellies. The belly is located real close to the crotch and thus that is where it takes that extra skin from, thus shrinking the tally-whacker.
Muscular guys have large bugles everywhere and as a result of all those long hours in the gym the only muscle that they want to look larger actually gets smaller.  Sucks, but true.

I could probably end it there, but that's only the first order of business today.  Now lets look at another anomaly, the anomaly of the incredibly growing nut-sack on old men.
I don't want any one of you to pretend that you have no idea what I am talking about.  Everyone has noticed this in one form or another. It might have been a joke in a movie or your crazy great uncle frank, but everyone has either heard a story about or seen some old mans ball randomly escape through the leg of his shorts (or pants dog forbid) and just hang there in the sunlight while it's owner chills with a beer in his hand oblivious to the fact that he might get a very painful form of sunburn in the near future.

As old people age they shrink, this is a genetic fact that I have heard in the past and choose to adopt as truth. Why else would old people develop all of those wrinkles.  After years and years of the skin stretching and growing to cover everyone up and make them look beautiful, the body then starts shrinking and all that extra flesh has to do something - Thus wrinkles.
Not only that, but area's that were ignored before so that the flesh could cover elsewhere suddenly find themselves with an overabundance of flesh that should have been there to begin with.  This is why the nut-sack suddenly grows 100x in length.   The good news is that because all this extra flesh now exists an old man's erection is normally 2-3 times the size it was when he was a younger strapping lad doing dirty things in the Navy before Don't Ask Don't Tell.

It is with all of this knowledge that I believe old midgets must all be hung like fucking horses.
Ladies, looking for that one last fling? I suggest finding an old midget and a bottle of Viagra.  Bring some extra lube because things are going to get ugly and painful!!!

The More You Know.

Weight Loss - Day 56

Another week down and nearly a pound gone.  I really do plan on trying to start getting more exercise in over the next month and try to develop a routine.  Even though I hadn't hit the gym this past week I have still done some other stuff which is beyond my usual of sitting on my fat ass all day.

Last Sunday I went swimming, Friday I went to First Friday which is essentially like a big city version of a Fair minus the cool shit like the Cow Pie Bingo, but it still had Funnel Cakes.  I did a lot of walking on a hot Vegas night.  Yesterday I ended up at Circus Circus making multiple laps over the course of a 5-6 hour jaunt.  So, maybe no time on the elliptical but a ton of extra walking and that probably kinda sorta counts for something.

I'm quite happy that I've been doing this for 2 months and have not fallen off the wagon and gone on an eating spree to gain any portion of the weight back.  It has been quite the challenge to not fall back into my same patterns and routines of old but I have done a good job.  I allow myself to cheat now and then or just have a bad day but get back to it the next and I think that really helps out a lot.

Here's to everyone accomplishing something this month!

Friday, August 03, 2012


I appear to have overbooked myself for the next few days.  For those of you who know me I never make plans.  I hate making plans. I prefer to just kind of go with the flow and if something comes up then all is cool, and if nothing comes up it'll give me time to catch up with Torchwood or Boardwalk Empire or something.
The de-facto number one reason why I hate to make plans or agree to things is because of situations like this very weekend.

Tonight after work I'm heading out to First Friday for Funnel Cakes.  I don't know what First Friday is but once I heard Funnel Cakes I was sold.  I've been talking about Funnel Cakes (and they are so important that they DO get capitalized) for the entire week. I have made others excited to the point that they have called me after getting out of work and asking me where the Funnel Cakes are.  Yes, the fat boy is going to feast.

After my Funnel Cake adventures (and hoping it consists of a litle bit of beer, oh please tell me there will be beer) and I've said my goodnights to these friends I'm probably heading out to meet Melissa and Alex again for another night of debauchery.  The good news is that this will be late (if I can stay awake to go out that is) and as such the ladies will have already had a few hours of drinking on me.  They are hitting up a couple of places that I really want to go but suspect that they'll just be at some random club by the time I'm available.  Not going to give away names because I don't want y'all to be disappointed when I can't report about getting drunk somewhere cool.

Saturday I've evidentally got about eighteeen things that I'm supposed to be doing and I feel bad for blowing pretty much everyone off.  I somehow managed to get invited to a home poker game and I hope that they don't hate me for backing out of the first game I am supposed to attend.  I didn't realize that it also happened to fall on the same day as some other things.
I've got a drinking engagement that I might be attending (however, it's going to depend on how late other things run, how drunk I get tonight, how late I'm up tonight and how much of a constitution I have).

However, my main plans center around a birthday party and two of my favorit people.  We will probably be hitting up a breakfast some place I have never eaten and I'm really looking forward to that. We've got plans to go out and have some fun as well before the whole "gift giving" experience.  And who knows, maybe if things work out a dinner.
It's sort of a "lets just see what happens" type of plan but I'm sure a good time will be had by all. 

Sunday currently appears to be a day of rest.  Don't go out. Don't drink.  Don't wake up early or stay out late.  Just chill out and watch some movies or TV shows and relax because come Monday it's time to get back to the whole grind of the job.

I need to take my lunch but I don't want to eat anything so that I can save some room for the Funnel Cake.  I hope they have a "drench it in strawberry and powdered sugar" option because this fat kid wants to pig out.

I hope all of your weekends are eventful and there is enough enjoyment to go around.
I hope that I get some fun stories to share next time I get to sit in front of a keyboard!

Thursday, August 02, 2012

The Dead Liver Diaries

So last night was the first night of drink drank drunking for Melissa's month long Vegas Vacation.
Let me start over.

1st things first and that is (probably an early) Happy Birthday to a new reader (hope you stick around) Alex who thought I sounded cool and promised that she would NOT shank me!  So, Hap Hap Happy Bday Alex.

2nd item of business is - I've asked permission and was told I could use a real name so - I introduce to you my favoritest drinking buddy of the Las Vegas Years - Melissa (picture to follow).

Now where was I?  Oh right - Melissa is on a month long vacation in Vegas - Alex just arrived into town yesterday and both girls wanted to dress up and party like rock stars, so we hit the town.

First fun part of the evening was checking into their hostel (sounds so much better than Hotel Room). The lady who does the checking in wrote down the wrong information, so when we got to the room there was already a "privacy" sign on the door and the keys magically didn't work.
A quick (20 minutes) phone call to the front desk later she was informed that they gave her the wrong info and transferred her to a black hole where the phone just rang endlessly with no help in sight.

Finally, by random happenstance, she looked at something else that had her room info written on it and we come to find out that the room was correct but the floor was wrong.  So, a quick jaunt to a different level and the keys started magically working.
Now it's the fun time for the grrouch where he gets to watch hotties get undressed and into something a bit more revealing.  However, all of that was done in the bathroom, out of sight and *pout.*

Time for Dinner - Batista's Hole in the Wall.
This place was swanky (I don't know what that word really means, I won't look it up as I'm wasting company time right now and honestly I just like the word so it's staying) and adorable.  There was a small crypt keeper guy playing an according and singing (badly) table to table. Melissa thought he was adorable as hell and gave him a good tip (karma points probably).
After dinner was ordered the great garlic bread and salads were brought out along with the main course: the wine.  One gallon of white and one gallong of red.  We were to get a 3rd gallon but that was going to be physically impossible.

I'm not a wine drinker. Never have been and probably never will be.  There was one wine that I've enjoyed over the course of my years that was introduced to me just a few years back and that is Lambruscia (or however you spell it).  It's a bitter tasting red wine with a nice alcohol content that gets you messed up fairly well.  That last part is probably the whole reason that I like the wine.
So, when our wines arrived I was hesitant and actually planning on not even drinking any of them, I was going to stick to my water.  However a smile and some peer pressure later my glass was full and I was drinking some white wine. 
I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I was not enamored with the white wine - the flavor was not horrible but it was missing something - almost like it was too dry.
However, when I found msyelf faced with a glass of the red wine I noticed it's likeness to the cheap Lambruscia that I've become fond of, it was missing a good deal of the bitterness that the Lambruscia has though.
Half a bottle later I stopped pretending to acutally "drink" the wine and my glass pretty much turned into a shot glass.
I 100% admit right now that while the food was good and plenty and not a single one of us could finish our course I will be going back because of the wine.  I need a second opinion afterall :)
So, I'm taking sign up's - who wants to go?

The good thing about strip traffice at 8 pm is that it's a lot of stop and go, which is easier to navigate when you are drunk (in my HUMBLE opinion).  Add the full blast of the AC in my face and I felt like a million bucks by the time we ended up at Caesar's Palace on our date with destiny to glance at Christian Bale and his stupid dorky face on the way to the bathroom.

That story is too short and boring so I'm not going to bother talking about it.  However in the midst of all the drinking we did get a few photo ops.
These pics are all over all 3 of our Facebooks and as such I assume (stab me if I'm wrong) that the ladies won't mind if they are shared here.
If you want them removed, text me!

Favorite quote of the evening.  As we were in the hotel room and the ladies were preparing for their night out on the town with pimp serge, Alex put on the shirt you see her wearing and asked if it looked too slutty, then decided that "I didn't fucking come to Vegas to NOT dress like a slut."
Ladies, it was a fucking fun evening!

The visiting Alex

I'm Wasted but in good company


Will you Marry Me?

In the men's room at Batista's

Drunk and Hungry but I said no