For anyone who decided to read between the pictures on this post, I had a comment which read as such:
Andrea King: "Hi there, just read you're getting married. I was wondering how your wife to be deals with you playing Poker and with the debt issue. I'm struggling to be happy with a Poker player myself and it's been quite a ride. Don't know if you wrote a post on that or not, so I thought of just asking. (Nice bums by the way.) I wish you all the best for your wedding."
For anyone who read it and didn't click through, Andrea has a blog she recently started detailing her trials and tribulations with living with a poker player. So far it's been a pretty interesting read. After going over to that page and starting to read a bit I completely understand why the question was posed to me. So, my retort.
Being that your last name is King I'll just assume your married to Stephen King and in that case I'd like to ask if you could manage to sneak an autograph to me. I know Stephen is an author but I have this fantasy (that I'm just making up right now) that he secretly loves poker but loses horribly at it and one day I'll be at a table with him completely enamored by the man who wrote more books that I have read than any other author ever will and I will somehow manage to lose all of my money to him. I'll be broke and homeless (after my wife kicks me out for losing the children's college money) but I'll have a good story to tell.
Our stories differ which is why I probably won't be reporting any useful information to you. You see, I have a full time career in the retail business where I work and earn my living and I enjoy playing poker on the side, for fun. Kind of like a hobby that sometimes earns me good money and sometimes costs me money. I used to have this fantasy that I'd win a ton at poker and make it my profession but over the years I've realized that I'm not really up for that kind of life style. I like to play for fun and I want to keep it that way.
So, how does my fiance deal with me playing poker? Well, she understands that I love the game and that I have no intentions of giving it up. She understands that I am not going to gamble with money that I cannot afford to lose. She understands that I have money set aside specifically for poker playing and she has an idea that this is what I'm talking about when I refer to my "bankroll." I'm well grounded and I'm not going to screw myself over to pull a buy-in out of my bank account so that I can go gamble if I don't have the money to pay my other bills. I'm perfectly willing to go 6 months or longer without playing poker because the extra money just isn't there. So, I guess to sum it up she deals with it by putting faith in the fact that I'm not going to make any decisions that are going to screw over our little family. I'm hoping I'm never stupid enough to break that trust.
As for the Debt portion of your question. Truth be told we are both entering this marriage with a little bit of debt but we both have solid plans to have it all gone by mid-year. Well, all of the short-term debt that is. I've got a dental bill and I've got her engagement ring that I'm paying off. She has her car and a couple of small credit cards. Other than that we both have long-term debt as well. I have a mortgage on a house and she has one on a condo. We plan on getting rid of all the short-term debt and then working off anything left over from the wedding.
My goal (and I feel safe saying our goal) is to be debt free (other than the property) before we have a child. This way she can safely take off 3 months or whatever and we won't have to worry about it.
We are already making plans to start FSA's for next years medical expenses. I know I'm going to have another dental bill and I'm also considering LASIK for my eyes, but we will both have FSA's to pay for that stuff instead of incurring more debt.
So, how does she feel about my debt? I don't think she honestly thinks about it. We've both talked a little bit about our plans and how soon we expected to have everything paid off by but she has never brought forth concerns of her entering this matrimony with me having outstanding debts.
My advice to you after reading through some of what you wrote is:
Run fast and run far. It doesn't seem like you have a lot of happiness and it's because this man of yours is a leach. If you had to go as far as to draw up legal documents stating that he had to pay you back by a certain time then I feel as if the relationship has run its course. You can find something better and he can find a real job with consistent positive income. He can learn to play poker on the side for fun instead of being stuck and not being able to meet his payments.