Saturday, October 13, 2012

Dead Beat Dads

It's not often that I stray into my own personal life on this little blog but I say screw it today.

Last night I'm spending time with my friend and her kid.  Watching some random junk on the TV and drawing different versions of Spider-man while enjoying some Pizza and Popcorn.  The kid is supposed to get picked up by the male parental unit at some point in the evening so that he can take him for the weekend.

After a little while the kid ventures into his own room to watch Spy Kids through Netflix while the adults sit in the living room watching Damages Season 3 and having random general discussions.  At about 7 pm the doorbell rings once.  After rounding up a barking dog the mother answers the door and nobody is standing there.  She then checks through the front windows and the old mans car is not parked out front.
It might have taken 1 minute to round up the dog and answer the door.  Whatever, maybe just some kids playing a prank.
A few minutes later the kid asks if anyone else showed up (he obviously heard the door bell) because he thought he heard someone else say hello.  We inform him that no one showed up and he goes back to watching his movie.

30 minutes later the doorbell rings again.  Back to the dog routine and answering the door.  This time the male parental unit is standing out there and asks for his kid to be rounded up for the weekend.
We pack up his normal book-bag with clothes and medicine and other kid essentials.  The kid goes outside with his male parent and then knocks on the door 30 seconds later.
The kid re-enters saying his "dad" sent him in to get his Wii.
So, I pack up the Wii into his bag along with a game and some of his characters.  This takes maybe 5 minutes at the most but probably less time than that.
Once again the kid is sent out the door to be with his male parental unit for the weekend.

About a minute later there is another knock on the door and it is, once again, the kid standing there looking dejected.
What's wrong?
My dad left without me.

What The Holy Fuck is wrong with people today?

1 minute later a phone call is made to the unit, no answer.
2nd call - no answer
Call from another phone - no answer.
The kid text messages his male unit "Why did you leave me?"
No response.
Leaves voice mail - no response.
Calls back a few times over the next few hours and no response.
One last call before bed "Dad, I'm outside looking for you, where are you?"

Fucking breaks my heart, seriously.

Why would you show up, then send the kid back into the house and leave with no word, just disappear?

I feel for the kid, shit like this hurts me.
I love my parents to death and everything they have ever done for me to get me to be the man (no laughing) I am today.
I do, however, understand what it's like to grow up and feel abandoned at an early age.  I had a dead beat female parental unit that I lived with which made my life suck more than I'd wish on my enemies.
And due to external issues beyond control I also, unfortunately, grew up for a few years with an absent father whom I never really got to see very often and when I did it wasn't for long enough.
I understand the longing of wanting to be with both your parents but being constantly let down.
I understand the emotional hell this kid must be going through just from everything I get to witness and shit like this gets to me and sticks with me.
I want to make the world right for him and let him know that not everyone is going to abandon him like this and that life might suck at times but it will get better.
I know I can't, I know there is nothing I can say or do that will convey that message to this child who is going through a shitty situation that is only being compounded by the shit that I described above, but I want to.

I also want to grab a hold of the male unit and slap some fucking sense into him, to give him a wake up call and show him how he is mentally fucking up and scaring his child by doing the shit he is doing but I suspect that he really doesn't care much about that.

Relationships are hard and most of them don't work.  This is to no fault of the children but they are stuck in the middle of it every single time.  However, being a parent is something that is (mostly) controllable.  If you don't want to be a parent then that's perfectly fine.  Make it known and move on.  There is no reason to drag children through the mud and make them endure the pain that is being caused to them by being a part time parent who only shows up or calls when it's convenient to you.

I don't expect responses to this really since it's so far left of my normal - I just needed a venue to vent a little bit because this is a lot more helpful than me calling/texting the male unit or making a trip to his work establishment this morning to give him a piece of my mind.



  1. That's worse than shameful. Don't really know a word to describe it.

  2. The subject is sad, but your writing is anything but. Please Grrrouch, venture into your personal life more often on here, it makes for compelling reading. I would say get your ass involved in this, especially if you are not in a relationship with mom. She will appreciate your effort, her son will, and who knows even dead beat dad might.

  3. I too understand what he is going through I thank the big guy above every day for the relationship we now have
    i love you son