Saturday, September 08, 2012

Gay Marriage and the NFL

Now, I did not author any of the below.  But sometimes you come across something that just makes you take notice and you say to yourself "Self, why the fuck didn't I think of that?"

This is one of those occasions.

The set up is this.
Baltimore Ravens NFL Star Brendon Ananbadejo is in support of Gay Marriage.
Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr decided he hates the gays and wrote a letter to the owners of the Ravens telling them that they should shut their little gay supporting negro up because he's giving the straights a bad name (unlike what is to follow, these are my words).

So, Punter and wordsmith extraordinaire Chris Kluwe (Minnesota Vikings) who happens to have a gay brother (or something) wrote a letter to the Maryland delegate giving him the what-for.

This letter was published on and is being pasted below.
I give full credit to Chris Kluwe and Deadspin for this article, I just want my small section of the universe to read it as well.

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's response to Burns.
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").
3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)
I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?
In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.
Chris Kluwe
P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.


  1. Cockmonster! I love learning new words!

    1. I was a big fan of the phrase "Narcissistic fromunda stain"

    2. Take what from you?

    3. Didn't see your posting of it.
      Found a link from about it and had to share.

  2. LOL. Unfortunately, I looked up fromunda and learned far, far more than I wanted.

    Thanks for posting the letter. Priceless!

  3. That letter was EPIC! Thanks for posting you sexy cockmonster.

  4. So cool. Today is Yay for Gay Marriage Day! Awesome, grrouchie.

  5. It is unfortunate, imo, that the letter contained as much profanity as it did. While that certainly satisfies the desire many of us have to stick it to some of the nasty people with whom we share the earth -- particularly the clueless politician -- , it also takes away from the deeper messages, which will undoubtedly be lost on this particular minister anyway.

  6. Waffles approved.

    I can not wait for the first gay divorce settlement! We will then have the "What the fuck was I thinking! Stop Gay Marriage! I want it the way it used to be!!". heh.