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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Advice and Doubt

100% stole the opening here but I read it elsewhere and found it appropriate.

This is something worth repeating in life.  You will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most important are the ones who bring out the best in you, respect you and accept you for who you are.  Those are the ones worth keeping around.

Yeah - these are words of advice from my old man and they ring true.

Today is a day where I'm doubting myself and it's bugging me.  Things were OK until I got to class.  A bit on the tired side (I cannot adapt to waking up so bloody early) and as I was dealing my back started to hurt a bit, probably something from work.   So, I'm a bit tired and a bit in pain and I'm doing everything slower than I should be and a bit sloppy as well.  I was just "off" and not feeling it and I have the teach breathing down my neck reminding me with every mistake I make or every time I'm not going as quick as I should and she points out "Boy, you must be really tired today."

And it's days like this that really make me wonder if I'm cut out to do what I've been trying to do.
Yes, I know that everyone has off days.  I get it.  I'm negative (about myself) by nature and this is just the way I react.  I know that I can do this job, but today I feel like I can't.

If I'm having a bad day I'll have to find a way to work through it. If my back is sore I'll just have to tough it out and figure a way to tune out the pain, etc.

Eh, tomorrow is a new day and after work (and maybe one of those Power Naps) I'll be heading down town to put in an application for one of the casino's.

Here is another issue - I'm about out of "time" work wise for my adjusted schedule.  Very shortly they are going to tell me that I need to return to normal work hours which means that I will no longer be able to attend class and practice - and if I don't have a dealing job by then it's going to suck.  Complicating the matter further is the fact that I can only get a dealing job where I'd be working Swing or Graveyard because of my current job - and I'm hoping that isn't something that comes into play any time.  I'd hate to audition and have them offer me a position working early which I'd have to turn down which is a pretty shit move from a guy looking to break into the business.

So, the reality of the situation is the closer I get to this becoming "real" the more doubt I am throwing my own way to complicate things more than it should be.  Yes - I know this is 100% in my head. Sometimes it sucks to me be.  Either way I do have a job that I can fall back on and maybe I'll have to put the "dream" on hold until all of my personal matters are wrapped up and then make another attempt at it.

The big "win" no matter how you look at it though is that I have found some people with common interests that I am enjoying spending time with.  A few of these people I know I will continue to communicate with after the class is over and everyone has moved on in whatever direction they decided to go.  For that I am thankful because with my attitude it's damned near impossible to actually make friends heh :)

And with that, I think I'm putting a hold on this "A-Z" thing as my timeline is all f'd up.
However, anyone out there who was already planning a guest post - whenever you decide to write it up I'll still take em and throw them up for the world to see (If'n you still wanna that is).
I don't have the time or the creativity to continue doing it with my complete lack of planning.  So, at some point in the future I will plan on doing this again but I will plan it out well ahead of time so that I already have a list of things that I'll be talking about for specific days.
Until then you get to deal with the random nonsense that comes to me daily.


24 comments:

  1. 1st!

    I'm glad you've put the A-Z on hold. You do not need the added stress right now. I know it's easy to say, but don't stress over things you have no control over, like if a craps job will fit into your schedule.

    Work hard, get an offer and it'll all work out. Trust me. :)

    BTW You sound as tired as I feel. We need to nap.

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    Replies
    1. What the heck is little spoon? Did she just say you have a small dick? What the hell?!?!

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    2. I was wondering the same thing !

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    3. OMG A lesson from Auntie Josie - Spooning - when a man lays front to back with a girl and they fit together like spoons. Now whoever is in the front - picture if you will Grouchie napping behind me with his chest against my back. *sigh* in this scenario I am the little spoon because I am in front. Got it?

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    4. His chest would not be the part of his body touching you...not that either...yes, his stomach :)

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    5. Josie, you may have stated the slang accurately but if you think about it, it doesn't make sense. Spoons (real ones)fit together in a draw if they are same size, not one bigger than the other. So in reality there is no little spoon. You want to call "front spoon"....or perhaps it should be calling "shot gun".

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    6. Rob if the spoons are NOT the same size, they still spoon together so long as the little spoon is in front. Don't you think? Go get some cutlery and practice before I get to Vegas.

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    7. See folks, proof positive that Josie wants me!

      As for cutlery, well, I guess the little spoon fits in front of a bigger spoon, but it won't be snug. I like snug, especially when it comes to spooning.

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  2. She doesn't like the Big Spoon, just FYI...

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    Replies
    1. That's ok - it's a tiny spoon

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    2. Now I'm confused, Gary. I dunno if you're saying Josie doesn't like behind behind, or if you are being suggestive and saying she doesn't like big dicks.

      And if it's the latter, how do you know that?

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  3. Get some sleep, get your head out of your butt, and take over the world!

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  4. Well, as others have said, just hang in there, and hopefully things will work out. I think you need more sleep, tho.

    Ironic that I just started working on my guest post and then I see that you have abandoned the idea! Oh well, I will finish it and send it to you anyway, it just won't make any sense.

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    Replies
    1. I'll make it make sense dammit!

      Also, it's not abandoned, just on Hiatus as I've been trying to cram too much into my life and the next 6 days are going to be overload.

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    2. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my guest-post won't make any sense under any circumstances.

      But will that stop me from finishing it and sending it to you? Hell no.

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  5. Absolutely sleep as much as possible - I always feel the most negative and defeated about myself when I'm tired, and I know FOR A FACT that's it the worst time for me to play poker (almost every time I would have a bad session, I would find that I had written "DON'T PLAY TIRED!" by the results). Rest and only worry about things you can control (like Josie said). Good luck on the app!

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  6. I see where you are coming from with the sleep issue...but beware after a while your body will make you sleep and it may not be the best time...I run on about 4 hrs a day and about once a month Bam! 18 hr sleep and also that job thing will work itself out but only if you trust in yourself first....

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    Replies
    1. What you described is pretty close to how my system has been running for years now.

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    2. I have a saying I tell people all the time....Sleeps for Dead people I've got too much to do

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  7. Sleep is tough to fit in when you have so much shit going on.. I wish I could sleep more too.

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