Sunday, March 03, 2013
Ted the Movie
For a movie that I really had high expectations for and have been clamoring to see since it came out in theaters but have been unable to watch due to the fact that it would be mildly (understatement) inappropriate to watch with a 7 year old, I would like to make the statement that I was very disappointed.
In fact, disappointed is also an understatement. If I had to give Ted a rating I would give it two fingers up. Two middle fingers up. Two middle fingers way fucking up in a sign of protest.
Ted. You had an amusing premise. You had a cast I could get behind. You had a creative team whom I enjoy and feel is full of brilliance You even had some good lines in the movie, but over all you get two rip roaring disappointed middle fingers in a salute.
The best thing I can say about Ted was that I paid nothing for the movie. It came via a free RedBox rental.
In the 1 hour and 47 minutes that the movie ran these were my favorite parts.
Note - I did not watch for the entire 1 hour and 47 minutes.
The Garfield gag.
Lori: "There's a shit on my floor....."
Ted "Yeah, we were playing Truth or Dare and Charene was pretty ballsy."
Frank: "You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public?"
Ted: "Last week i fucked her with a parsnip and later sold the parsnip to a family with four small children"
Maybe my expectations were too high.
Maybe i was expecting more than just an hour and a half of "too dirty for Family Guy" material.
I don't know.
Either way - ugh - fuck - I wish this movie was better.
I'm going to go watch Bad Santa to wash the dirty taste out of my mouth and get some sleep.