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Monday, February 13, 2012

VD

That's right kiddies, it's come that time of year again where the world celebrates people having a lot of fun and unprotected sex.  One of the biggest consequences (other than regret) is VD and thus February 14th is aptly named, VD Day.

The problem with VD is that it's a purely over-hyped celebratory day for the women folk.  Guys, for the most part, could care less about it as it's just another day to remember to buy something nice for the lady.  We have to remember to buy their favorite flowers or some nice shiny jewelry or take them somewhere fancy to eat (like Olive Garden) and all we get in return for our careful planning and wallet draining excursions is more of what they give us all year long (if you're not married) - sex.

This whole holiday is just further proof that women are the dominant species on this planet.  All you have to do is flash us some boob or remind us that you do, in fact, have the vagina and we are willing to do pretty much anything you ask.  It's way too simple for you.  If I was planning a nice evening alone with you and instead you decided you wanted to go out drinking with the ladies you could keep me smiling by just rubbing your boobs in my face and saying something akin to "these will be all yours when I get home from the drunken bingo fest."
This does not work both ways.  If you planned an evening alone and I decided that I was going boozing with the guys; 1) I'm probably in trouble for being an insensitive asshole and 2) I know I can't just whip out my tally-whacker and say "I'll be sure to bring this big boy home for you this evening" and expect you to change your mind and let me leave.  No, there is no equality there.

Further proof, have you ever heard a guy say "Yeah, I got pulled over for doing 63 in a school zone but before she could get to the car I made sure my balls were dangling out of my shorts and I got off with just a warning, again?"  No, these words never come out of our mouths because it's not possible for that scenario to go down the way we envision it.  Most likely we end up in the local jail for the evening for indecent exposure and probably pepper sprayed as well just for good measure.

So, this blog is for all the single guys out there and for all the guys who plan on being single after they forgot yet another "important" day in the lives of your ladies.  I'll be celebrating VD the only way I know how to, by drinking myself to sleep with porn on the TV and my fleshlight handy.





Next one is not the original and most people probably won't like it.

15 comments:

  1. Actually, I liked the version of "You give love a bad name" that you included.

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    1. Excellent. I have appeased part of the masses

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  2. Excellent post.

    You're not too cynical, now, are you? :)

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    1. If cynical = single then yes :)

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    2. The more cynical you are, the more likely you are to be single.

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    3. Do I get a pass for recently having an unpleasant breakup? I mean, that seems fair. Then I can be all cute and cuddly next year and we can compare post tones lol.

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    4. Single or not you've never been cute and cuddly well not to girls, just the dogs :)

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    5. I can't wait to see you all cute and cuddly, grrouchie.

      Hmm.....I hope that doesn't sound too odd.

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    6. Eh,
      How about no one see's me cute and cuddly - that's more my comfort zone :)

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  3. Replies
    1. It's not quite drunken bowling, and you usually piss off the older crowd when you yell bingo but don't have any markings on your cards at all.

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  4. You say tomatoe I say tomato, you say Cynical I say Realist. Nice post Grouchie.

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    1. I'm becoming a bigger Waffle fan every single day.

      Thanks mate

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  5. funny shiat grrouchie. keep them coming.

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