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Friday, March 30, 2012

Love and other Evil Tricks Satan Pulls on us

Josie and Carmel both had a post about our relationship.
I'm assuming that this means when Josie comes into town she'll get to be part of my first 3-some (her me and Carmel obviously).

I find it curious that there are those out there clamoring for more info, or for that matter any info, about our failed relationship and I'm not really 100% sure why you all want it.
I guess it's the whole train wreck scenario - you just can't look away from it.

However, if you are coming here for info you'll most likely be disappointed.
I had a long reply written up (which has not yet been deleted) but I don't have it in me to hit the publish button. I guess it's just not my style.

I have no issue pointing out my flaws and making fun of myself to get a good laugh!
I'm great at it - I've been practicing it practically my whole life.

I'm a fat boring white guy with a small penis (well, slightly below average).  My hair is thinning, my middle is thickening and to most of the outside world I'm pretty much just a rude asshole.

I make bad jokes - really bad jokes at times - and I think they are all funny.
I'm not remotely racist or sexist but the jokes make me smile and usually at inappropriate times I have to share them.

However, what I try to not do is tell stories where my embarrassment is not the focal point.  And to be completely honest - if I were to tell stories about my failed relationship with Carmel I have a feeling that they would come off the wrong way.  No matter what my feelings are, the only person I want to make look bad is me.

So, inspired by Carmel's post, I'm thinking about making a list of some really inappropriate things I have said in the past.
I'm also thinking about sharing some really odd stories about things that have happened to me during our failed relationship.

I'm an asshole, I'm cool with that.  But I feel it would be a dick move to talk about something that hasn't even gotten a chance to become a thing of the past yet.

22 comments:

  1. I can't speak for everybody but for me, what makes your and Carmel's story compelling is not that you guys used to be and now aren't, but that there still exists what looks for all the world to be a warm, caring relationship between you two, and that is both refreshing and a little uplifting.

    Just my $.02.

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    Replies
    1. We've just agree'd to do all of our "hating" in person and not over the internet.

      As you can see from her response below, she threatens me with mental and/or physical harm if I talk about her. heh

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    2. See?? He admits he hates moi! Therefore it's too soon to talk about.
      But if you want you can tell them all how and why you stood me up Christmas 2007!

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    3. Xmas 2007, I got a stomach bug and couldn't stop shitting - I was unable to make it to watch Alien Vs Predator and instead spent Xmas day on the toilet with a sore ass from wiping too much.

      She still tries to make me feel guilty for standing her up

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    4. According to your MySpace you were eating at 7-11 and drink Chilladas with some girl :)

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    5. I am not sure ALL the hate is staying off the Internet.

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  2. Like I said , do what you want, but I swear to God if you start belly acheing about how I broke your heart and how this and that I'll...kill your dog

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    Replies
    1. I'm past that part of the 12 step program sista

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  3. If you need reminders on crazy rude shit you have said, hit me up, I never forget :)

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    Replies
    1. That could be a problem.. lol. Forgive. Forget.

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  4. Grrouchie, Hi Sweetie! Great post and remember, there's no such thing as bad publicity. :)

    I'm sorry I did this (kinda) and I officially owe you one. Next time you need a favor, I'm your gal. Oooo I know, I'll buy you a drink!

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    Replies
    1. No harm no foul.
      I'll still take the drink.:)

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  5. Seeing as how I have been one of the peeps wanting to know the True Hollywood Story ...

    To tell the truth, I am not interested in all the ribald details of your sex life and have already heard too much about grrouchie's balls and dick. However, the compelling story is how it APPEARS that Carmel follows you around and seems to want you so badly, yet you profess to be the guy who can't get a girl. You both still talk and are even able to joke about your relationship, so what gives?

    Geez -- can you tell who works in the counseling profession?

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    Replies
    1. She does, she has managed to integrate herself so fully into my life that the only way to escape is to close up shop, get facial reconstructive surgery, change my name and move to Canada.

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    2. Hmmm, I'm going to give you a pass on this one because you had a rough day juxtaposed to my day of pure mother fucking, ass kicking, awesome! Seriously one of the best days in a longgggggggg time. See you on Monday, bitch :)

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  6. Lightning, I admit I hound him to lay me... often! Let me be clear we are not and do not intend on being "together".
    As far as me following him around like a lap dog, we share a lot that brings us together. Such as friends, an employer, and his job is 5 minutes form out house so sex is really convenient!
    Josie, trust me you don't need to apologize, he LOVES the attention, he told me so :)

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  7. My opinion only, but just the fact that you weren't willing to sell Carmel up the river in your post mortem post tells me that you most definitely aren't an asshole. Far from it...

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    Replies
    1. Keys, you are correct. Like all of us he has his moments. Still he is the most solidly good person I know which is why we are still friends

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    2. I have a lot of people who are willing to take an opposite stance about my assholiness :)

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    3. Your parents don't count. Did you give Bob the letter?

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  8. "I'm a fat boring white guy with a small penis (well, slightly below average). My hair is thinning, my middle is thickening and to most of the outside world I'm pretty much just a rude asshole."

    Sounds like me except for the hair thing. I got it all baby! Going slightly white which sucks.. but no thinning! BOOYAH!

    I wanna hear about your Teeth man. LOL. From the pic Carmel posted it looks like it worked out good. Seriously. I could use a new grill soon. Did it hurt? Was it expensive? Did you have to find someone special? Were you laid out of work for some time? Did you have to take pills for pain or shit or was it just like put you under and when you wake up you got that winning smile? I am curious about the weirdest things... I will leave the soap opera stuff to Josie.

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    Replies
    1. This is definitely it's own post in the making.
      I'll have to find a spot to fit it in sometime in the near future

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