Thursday, May 03, 2012

Just flush the f'n toilet

I see you.  I know who you are and where you live (not really).  I know you are a disgusting pig, welcome to the brotherhood of Man!

Men are pigs. Men are disgusting.  I get it, I've been part of the penis-club for years now and I know that there are certain things that we do which the lady folk will always find disgusting or offensive or whatever.
With that said, I know that you are a guy and you follow the same tendencies that I do.  You are disgusting.  So, when I'm taking a piss in the urinal beside you don't give me a funny fucking look when, as you are walking away, I tell you to just flush the fucker.

I know you're not a germ-o-phobe so you can't give me the excuse that you don't want to touch something as filthy and germ infected as the 3 inch handle.  I know you probably weren't even going to wash your fucking hands so that throws the whole theory right out the god damned window.

I know that you're not some sort of mentally challenged retard who's just not capable of understanding that in order to get the water to make the noise and the yellow to disappear you have to actually push down on the handle that is staring you in the face the whole time you're taking your leak.

I don't get what the aversion is to flushing.  It's a public area, someone is going to come in after you.  In fact, you probably had to flush before taking your piss in fear of getting some other guys yellow liquids from splashing on you.  So, if you can jiggle the handle enough to flush before you go, why the hell can't you do it after you go?

Is this some sort of revenge plot? Well the last fucker didn't do it so I'm leaving a surprise for the next guy? Are you really this shallow that this is your line of thought?
Are you pretending to care for the environment and not wanting to waste all that water with the extra flush? Probably not because as you're leaving my store you just threw your cigarette butt onto the pavement and left your fucking Slurpee container on the ground instead of finding a trash can to dispose of it.

So, if you're a random stranger don't give me a funny look when I'm addressing you with my dick in my hand (still frontward facing though) and telling you to stop being a lazy asshole and flush.

If you're an employee don't get pissed off if I happen to tell others that you're too fucking lazy to flush in an attempt to shame you into doing it next time (and every other time after that). Jesus Christ people - last time I didn't flush the fucking toilet was when I used the outhouse and even then I still tried to find the handle.

I hate all of you, lazy good for nothing cock suckers.

Have a great night


  1. Amen, brother.


  2. Blog post of the year. Bravo!!

  3. If it's yellow let it mellow! Hey remember that picture I put in Facebook of the neon green poo? I'm glad they didn't flush because I didn't know poo came in that flavor! WTF were they eating? Oh oh please do a post about the poop filled diaper on aisle 5!

    1. In your own personal home I can see this as something that might be valid.
      For instance, growing up on a farm using well water - you can't waste a flush on just one tinkle.
      Living in the desert during a water crisis.

      However, that might be all I'm willing to give. I'm talking public urinals here mainly.

      Also, I'm glad you got a great poo story out of someone not flushing - they still should have just pulled the trigger.
      I once found a pair of soiled red panties in the "dirty rag and tampon bin" but that doesn't mean I'm happy they put that shit there.

      No post about the diaper - it's too short of a story.

    2. Must have been an Alien Carmel, neon poo, get out.

  4. Nailed it! Well said. Just last week I had to go stall hunting at the local shopping mall. The first 2 were so filthy I couldn't get past the door, the third one was still pretty bad and I decided to just hold it. Damn people.