Thursday, May 31, 2012

A Five Way Hole

My day yesterday started innocently enough, I went to work and realized where I left my bottle of jerk-off lotion.
Oh snap, there you are!
Work went by reasonably well and I actually got everything caught up which is actually impressive.  However, Monday is going to be the day of reckoning because I've got 4 days off in a row and fear for the worst.  I tried to make my life as easy as possible for this coming Monday by shooting out a series of emails to management in order to help the office keep pace of where it should be.  It's probably asking a lot, but I'm hoping for even a minor amount of help while I am away so that I do not come back to angry customers.  Only time will tell.

As evening approached I really needed something to do and decided to hit up a quick poker session. Not knowing exactly where I wanted to go I hit the interstate and just drove until I either ran out of real estate or my car veered towards one of the casinos.  My stop ended up being the Mirage.

Mirage was not nearly as busy as I was hoping for but when I showed up there was an open seat at two different 1/2 NL games and I choose the one with the only player that I recognized - Poker Muffin.

Some of you might recognize that nick/handle/whatever and others might not.  I don't think she reads the circle of blogs and as such I don't expect her to freely stumble up on this, however I have been playing poker with her since 2006 I do believe.

She was one of the original crew that became regulars at the Treasure Island that included prominent members of the AVP community and founding members of the (now defunct) VPN community.  It's always nice when I'm out and about and I run into friendly people and get to catch up.  Last night was a great night.

So, I chose my seat at her table and between her and I is another Pittsburgh Steelers who's wearing a hat showing off the best spots logo there is.  He was a great guy from LA who happened to run like ass most of the night but took everything in stride and generally had a good time.  A while later we were also joined by two of Poker Muffins friends - one a dealer and one a cocktail waitress.

Before the two other friends joined us we kicked off the table in great fun fashion, a round of drinks.
Fuck Yeah!
Our side of the table had 4 Jager Bomb's and the other side had a couple of random shots that were much more girly than good-old-fashioned-fuck-you-up-quick-Jager-Bombs!  Either way, the shots went down quick and the beer started coming and a fun evening was in the making.

I started off my poker session with a gamble (anyone who has played with me recently knows that this is really nothing new and some would say it's probably a big leak).  There was a small raise to $7 or similar and a caller or two so I got in there with 57d then there was a short stack push for $43 or so and another short stack push for $60.  It folded back to me and I put both on big cards and just waiting to get their money in.  There was one other player who almost pushed but ended up folding and after my call he said he folded A9s.
The flop came out Ax9 and of course both Shorties have Ax for the last ace to hit the flop.  On the turn I had straight and flush draw outs but nothing came and I mucked without showing.  Nothing exciting happened for a while on my end.

Early in the session PM was telling about her friend who has a 5 way headphone adapter so that others can listen to his music as well and we started talking about how we should have a session with one of those and just have everyone in one corner jam out.  This is when she blurted out "I really need to get a 5-way hole."
Oh yes, with alcohol, fun and lowered inhibitions the night was on!

After all the friends had taken a seat at the table more fun started to be had.  There was one pot that I won about $200 off of one of the ladies and a little while later she was talking to me about the hand and saying how she couldn't get away with it and never expected me to have what I had.  She wasn't bitter about it but said that if she had won she definitely would have tipped better.
I will admit that while I in no way stiffed the dealer she was by far the best tipper at the table.  Next time that she is at the table with me and I win a buy-in off of her I will make a point of tipping better and letting the dealer know it's from the lady in the xxx seat!!

Before getting off to my climatic ending I'll give a little detail about my session.
It started with a $60 gamble that did not pay off.
I raised early and often at this table, doing so mostly in increments of  $7 which was an accident until I realized it and then I just kept it up for most of the night. After losing my $60 I then proceeded to beat out Poker Muffin in a hand where I turned top 2 and she got away from my river bet by narrowing down my holdings to one of 3 hands - 2 of which she lost two and once she split with.

Buy-in #1 disappeared when I rivered a straight in a horribly bloated pot against two weak players but the flush also hit on the river. The bet (and call by another player) was such that I just felt I couldn't fold because of the size of the pot.  I was right in the fact that the guy who bet down I had beat - however the caller did hit the flush on the river and proceeded to slow roll me and royally piss me off because of it.
After I called the bet on the river the guy in 1st position said "Any flush will take it down, I have a set" and flipped over his cards.  Next guy just sat there looking like a tool and I tried to end the action by saying I hit the straight and flipped my cards over.
Other guy still sat there until the dealer showed my straight on the board and then looked at his hand for about 15-20 seconds before turning over his rivered flush.
I know I uttered a comment that was NSFW and that the dealer could have actually warned me about, but nothing happened and I went to my wallet to generically make my stack larger.

By the way, the dealers on this evening were awesome, especially Alaskagirl!  We got away with a lot of shit said at the table that some other dealers and some other rooms would have warned us about multiple times before asking us to leave.  So - to that end I'd like to give a big thank you because this table was bloody fun but we didn't actually get out of hand. We were just enjoying the evening.

A bit later I hit a set and stacked someone but then proceeded to give a good portion of it back when that person called my PFR, then my flop bet with top pair average kicker and was nice enough to turn two pair.  Whatevs.

Most of the evening I sat with a stack around $200 and a buy-in twice that and actually after a while learned the gentle art of folding pre-flop.  Finally I got into a hand where I called a raise (pot odds yo) because everyone else did as well with 45 offsuit.  It was $10 and there were 7 others in the pot at this point so my small blind hand decided to just come along.
Flop K45 with two diamonds and I yell out bingo (in my head - out loud would have been rude).
I check, PFR checks and chick who two paired me bets out $20.  Maybe a caller and maybe two but I raise it to $60 and when it folds to her she insta pushes.  This took me back because it was difficult to put her on a hand.  She could have easily flopped a set but I discounted that because I was holding two of her outs.  She could have hit a random two pair (suited cards, the kids like them) and she could have been top pair flush draw.  I wasn't sure but I belched out a call and turned my hand over.  She flipped her AKs over and I thought it was TPTKFD but it was only back door flush draw because I misread the board.  The turn was a blank and the river boated me and now I'm back to even.
A bit later I raise and everyone on a 3 table radius calls me.  I flop a flush draw and put in a re-raise when someone bets into me and we are down to 3 handed.  Turn puts the flush out and a guy bets into me so I smooth call and the last guy to act decides he wants all of his chips in the middle.
The guy who bet into me thought about it for-fucking-ever and finally decided to fold.  I announce that I have the current nuts and can't figure out how to fold so I put my chips in.  My A high flush is bigger than his Jack high flush so I get a pile of chips being pushed to me.
I asked the other guy what he had and he said top pair and Flush Draw to the Q.  Oh why did he pick that moment to learn to fold.  BOOO!

Either way, I now was showing a profit and when I racked up I was still showing a profit.  Good times.

Now that the poker portion of our broadcast is over it's back to some minor story telling.
5 way hole and a fun gal!

Drinking and having fun PM's friend with the 5 way hole shows up and she gets excited.  So, he whips it out to show us and next thing you know there are 5 of us all plugged in and Jamming to Michael Jackson songs.
1st song is Dirty Diana and I then put in a request for Smooth Criminal.  At the end of this long (approaching on Rob long) post I'll link up to a bunch of the songs that the 5 of us jammed to while pretending to still care about the poker game.  After the two MJ songs it became a game of pass the adapter so we could take turns picking songs for people to listen to.  It was a goddamned blast.

As the night was winding down someone played I kissed a girl and PM's one friend started talking about how she has kissed many girls but has a friend who promised if she ever kissed a girl that she would allow her to be her first.  Then it turned to how PM really wanted to make out with her and this song was a subtle hint.  After a few other song references that I threw in there stating that it would make the hint more obvious (Take Me Home Tonight) everyone was cracking up.

However, a song or two later PM decided to pipe in with "I've had enough of this and I'm doing it solo right now.  I'm not kissing a girl and I'm unsure about cock."
Laughter - the best medicine!!
The cock comment was reference to an earlier song that she didn't particlularly like that used the word "dick" a lot, however she - in her drunken stupor (joking) - just associated the word cock with the song instead of dick.  Simple mistake.

It was a f'n blast and I showed a profit.  What more can I ask? Also, as I was racking up my chips my alarm went of - which meant that I had officially been up for 24 hours.
I got home and took out Monster and took a nap.  3 hours later he woke me up to piss again and I'm assuming I'll need a nap very shortly or I'll be in bed pretty early tonight!

Songs played for our poker table 5-way (in no particular order).

It was an MJ themed night with other stuff mixed in that I don't remember quite as well!

Stay thirsty my friends.
I stole the "woman said" label from Rob for 2 or 3 quotes used above.  I thought he'd enjoy that.


  1. Great post, though it really isn't long enough!

    And "woman saids" too? Awesome, you know, I should have copyrighted that. Damn, I could retire now and be playing poker full time. Missed the boat.

    I'm a little that Poker Muffin in the pic or her friend? And did PM make out with anyone at the poker table (female, I would assume?) or was that only in your mind?

    Nice nite of poker too, I see? You are running good right now, sir. Regarding the guy who slow rolled you, do you think he did it on purpose or was he just confused about the hand?

    Great post considering how it started (with a pic of a urninal and a reference to your "jerk off lotion"). Why was this at work? Is THAT what they pay you to do?

    1. Rob - the lotion I discovered when I went for my first morning piss, thought I'd share.

      There was NO making out. There was only talk about it.
      That is NOT Poker Muffin, it's just a pic to show the 5-way-hole!

      I'm running better than I have in a while - two winning sessions in the same month? Unheard of lol.

      I get paid because they can't find a reason to fire me!

    2. I told my friend who loves hooker stories about this post. I bet he's gonna ask me to find out what a hooker with a 5-way hole charges!

    3. Excellent - hope he likes the read even though there was no hooker mentioning here.

      In fact, when I was leaving I specifically looked for Hookers to wrap things up but I think most of them probably went to bed by this point.

    4. You mean with all that ill-gotten booty you wouldn't pay for some booty? Why the heck not?

    5. Did you not see my bottle of lotion?
      also, I hear it's hard to find a hooker that kisses on the lips.

    6. It's easier if you don't play VBJ. Just sayin'

  2. Do tell us your position on tipping. What do you think is sufficient? How big of a pot should generate how big of a tip?

    This subject is always an interesting one. I love hearing how some people think that the tip should be the same regardless of the amount of the pot.

    1. Less than an inch is teasing.

      My personal thresholds is that if I win somewhere around the $20 mark (or more) the dealer gets a buck.
      If I win a buy-in or more then I'll reconsider the amount I'm giving to the dealer.

      I started this when I was playing a lot. I'm not cool enough to tip when I just win the blinds and if I make a $7 raise and get one caller and then take it down uncontested on the flop I probably don't tip there since I only won $7 plus the blinds ($10 total).

      That is my general rule of thumb which can be changed whenever depending on many factors.

    2. I was a bit surprised to see one of the official pros on AVP say he tips a buck no matter what, no matter how big the pot is (unless its just the blinds, then nothing). He MIGHT tip $2 if the dealer is especially good, but that doesn't relate to the size of the pot.

      I'm more generous than that, probably too generous when I'm playing at a casino like BSC where I consider most of the dealers my pals.

      I do have a hard & fast rule when I play at a place like CET that takes a $6's a dollar only no matter what, because of the huge rake. The dealers can blame their management for that.

    3. when your sole source of income depends on playing this game we all love I can see why $1 is standard.
      Even the guys who play nosebleed stakes do the same thing (which is why dealers generally hate dealing those games.).
      You just gave me $1 and I pushed you a $10k pot? Seriously?

      But, a dollar every hand adds up over the course of time and in all honesty it takes a large chunk out of your win rate.

      Tipping is always going to be contested and debated and overall I am happy giving basically $1 every hand I win. I've never had a dealer complain about it - though I have had some playful suggestions that I should tip more.

    4. I've never had a dealer complain about the size of a tip or complain when they didn't get a tip.

      OTOH, sometimes the other players will get on someone for not tipping, which I think is fine. Prudence will do that for sure if she sees someone not tipping, whether the dealer is her boyfriend and anyone else.

      But someone questioning the size of a tip, if a person tips, is out of line....unless it's for a big jackpot or bonus and nut just a big pot. Then I can see someone questioning a dinky tip.

    5. Sadly, I have seen dealers make comments about non-tippers.
      It's not cool but it happens.
      At this point I now have a dealer that I probably won't tip the rest of the night because I think that's bullshit.
      I get that you work for tips and make Min Wage, but I've never once had a waitress bug me for tips and she is in the same boat.

      Also, if there is a dealer making any comments about wanting tipped or whatever I will generally let the Floor know and that I am very disappointed with their behavior.

      I, like Prudence, will point out to the non-tippers that they should be passing the dealer a dollar when they are winning pots. it's good Karma and if they don't do it I will probably stack them and then publicly make fun of them.
      Also, I have been known to tip a dealer when I lose a pot if the winner is a tight asshole who does not tip at all. I hate to see the dealer get stiffed.

    6. What kinds of things have you heard dealers say when they don't get tipped? I swear I've never seen that at a poker table that I can recall.

    7. I heard a dealer at the Treasure Island once remark "I've been pushing you pots, it's ok for you to take care of me once in a while too."

      When another player asked a dealer if "the guy who just won that pot" tipped him on a particular hand he remarked "No, that guy has never tipped me at all so I hate pushing him pots"

      Just random things. it's not very often but it happens now and then. However, someone like you I'm sure would miss it easier (never heard it at the BSC though) because you are generally engaged in some good conversation or paying attention to a different rack in seat 5

    8. If the floor person isn't going to do regular rack checks, SOMEBODY has to do it.

  3. I hate slow-rollers worse than just about anything. Just turn the frickin' cards over!

    1. Yes. You just bet and got called - Show your hand!
      If you don't want to do that, Muck. Don't wait for everyone else.
      I despise slow-rollers. I try to get the game moving as quick as possible if I think I've won the hand and generally just flip em up anyways.

    2. I never slow roll but I sometimes wait to see the other hands before I show if I'm the one who is called. Because if I'm sure I'm beat, I don't want to give any info about how I play.

      Also, I don't want want grrouchie laughing at me when he stacks me.

    3. That's good Rob - slow rolling kills your taste buds so you may never be able to enjoy a rare hamburger again.

  4. Might not be a great song but it spurned some good conversation so it served it's purpose.

    There were a few worse than this though - there was a partial Bieber song played and other stuff that sounded of the same genre.

  5. A poker post - are you feeling okay? :) It's awesome when everyone on a 3-mile radius calls you... I am not a fan of the slow roll either - I'm getting to a point in life where I can see myself saying something smart-ass if I see that in a live game too - we'll see... You'd definitely notice photographed blonde if you saw her in person. Great post - enjoy the long weekend!

    1. Well, you know sometimes it happens.
      It's usually an accident and me just trying to keep up with the Joneseseseses.
      Expect another within a few hours as I did play another session last night

  6. I thought that "chick" had big hands.. I was waiting for the part where you went home with her. XD.

    1. I have never gone home with a stranger.
      This is something I need to change immediately.