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Thursday, June 07, 2012

Every Smart Man

...Builds a shed over his most important Tool.  Yes, this is the battle cry of fatty's everywhere.  I had always told myself that when I couldn't look down and see little Beavis any longer that's when I'd make sure to lose some weight - but a combination of me having a small tally-whacker and me lying to myself it never happened.

I've been heavy most of my life and I've always been cool with it, but the older I get the more I realize that maybe I should be less heavy for the health of it.  For the past 6 years I've weighed in right around 280 pounds give or take, but just within the past few months I jumped on a scale and saw that I was really close to 300 and that kind of scared me a bit so I decided I really needed to make a change.

So, since that point I have been slowly making some changes and of course violently falling off of the wagon only to crawl back on it and start again.  For simplicity sake I'm just going to say that I noticed my weight at the beginning of April (Oh Ms O'Neil how I do adore thee).

My biggest weakness is potato chips. It's just too easy to pick up a bag or three and chow through them. It's also easy to just finish a bag without realizing it.  So, when I have chips I try to make it the little snack size bags to control my portions, however there have been a few times when I'll just randomly grab a big bag while at the store and next thing I know I've eaten like half the bag and finish it off the next day.  Control issues - Hand Raised.

Things that I have done:
I am at about 98% diet Dew.  Now I don't need to hear anyone's babbling brook of bullshit telling me how diet soda is just as bad as regular soda an whatever the fuck else people want to point to.  Fact of the matter is by switching to diet Dew I've cut out a lot of sugar.  A lot -A-Fucking-Lot!  Seriously.  In one 12 oz can of Regular Mt Dew there is 47 grams of sugar.  Even though I have cut back on the amount of Dew I have drank over the years I still go through a minimum of 4 cans of Dew every single day.  I crack one when I wake up, I have two at work and I have one (sometimes more) when I'm chilling in the evening.  I've been adding water into my diet and cutting out some of the Dew, but I still drink a lot of that shit.  So, lets just round down to 4 cans of Dew every day and you are looking at 188 grams of sugar in a day.  That is an awful lot of sugar to cut out of my fat-and-ever-increasing-ass per day.  So, if you want to tell me that Diet is just as bad for me, Fuck You until you can prove your case (and then I'll just switch back to regular biznatch).

I have cut out on eating out (I'm single so I had no choice *rim shot*) to 2-4 times per month.  I pack my lunch for work every day so that I am not tempted to go to buy any of the junk that I was consistently filling my body with.  No more Sam's Club Pizza.  No more Burgers from wherever.  No more Panda Express.  Not even Jared's favorite Subway meals.  No, Now I strictly control what I put in my body during the work day.

I have also cut back on my portion sizes during dinner.  I used to load my plate up and just eat like a pig.  now I carefully dictate how much I am going to eat by trying to stick kinda sorta stick to the recommended serving sizes.

So, those three changes have led me to drop from 300 pounds to 282 pounds (back to where I'm used to being) in about 2 months.

Now, on to part two of my plan which was just conceived like 2 days ago.  I've got a friend who is also trying to lose weight and has used Weight Watchers with some success in the past.  However, upon going back to normal eating habits she has gained her weight back (well, some of it) and asked me if I could help to keep her motivated in losing weight again and trying to keep it off.  Shit yeah - I'm all for a buddy system (because my motivation is pretty close to zero on my own).  So, I'm now in the process of turning my daily food (I pretty much eat the same exact thing every bloody day) into what-the-fuck-ever their point system is so that I can do the play-along-at-home game.  I also bought a bathroom scale so that I can actually weigh myself with some regularity and I can see how my changes are affecting me.  I'm hoping to gain a bit more motivation and maybe add in some exercise (which I keep telling myself and you guys that I'm going to do) in order to help improve the results.

End result, I'm going to look sleek and sexy and all you mofo's are gonna want my body (just the ladies, the guys will just want to be like me).

So - today is Day Negative 3 as I'm officially starting on Monday.  I'm going to have one outrageous meal this weekend before beginning and I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

And now I leave you with this:
April O'Neil Coz Play? OoOoO-La-La!

25 comments:

  1. Good job! I am amazed at how much better everything is since I got off my butt and exercised and started eating right.

    How is this for a motivator? The new pants I bought because I lost weight are now too big! I haven't felt like I have suffered too much.

    Keep up the good work. Success tends to breed more success.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I didn't even realized I had lost any weight until I realized that I had to tighten my belt more and that my pants were a bit looser.

      I'm looking forward to dropping my 1st size.
      By next year I'll be in a Zero :)

      Delete
  2. F. U.

    Men suck. You switch your soda and drop about 20 lbs? Without even exercising? Omfg

    Nice job and GL with WW. I've fallen off the wagon. :(

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    Replies
    1. That's what happens when you're FABULOUS!

      I've fallen off every wagon I've ever been on.
      The longest I've ever kept at it was 4 months and then I stopped because I had great results and thought I could "maintain" but fell into my old habits.

      Delete
  3. Good luck to you, man. Weight Watchers always seemed overly complicated to me, but it clearly works for lots of folks. And it's all about figuring out what works for you. But am I wrong in assuming the Diet Mtn Dew tastes every bit as much like the urine of a syphalletic wildebeest as regular Mtn Dew?

    -Chuck

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I think they try to be convoluted to make people believe that they have to go to meetings and get interpreters and shit, but whatever.

      Personally I don't care what method, it's just that I've got someone to do it with me and that is the deciding factor. It will be easy for me because I eat the same thing every day (dinner changes a bit, but that's really all) so my "points" will be mostly guaranteed.
      I start my day, pack my lunch and I know pretty much everything from there.

      Delete
    2. Chuck, may I ask exactly HOW you know what "urine of a syphalletic wildebeast tastes like?

      Or maybe I don't want to know.

      Delete
    3. I might have to track down said wildebeest and try this for myself - maybe this is the spring from where the gods got the flavoring for such a magnificent drink.

      Delete
  4. Diet Mountain Dew is a gift from above. It is the best tasting diet soda with the possible exception of Diet Dr. Pepper.

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    1. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper is 2nd on my list

      Delete
    2. Agreed with the Pepper. If I do drink soda it's cherry coke.

      Delete
    3. Diet Cherry VANILLA Dr. Pepper has been off the market for some time, I believe. It was replaced by just Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, without the "vanilla". Not bad but not as good.

      If the kind with the "vanilla" is still available in Vegas, I will load up my car with it next time I'm there.

      Delete
    4. Rob, I haven't seen the stuff in quite some time and oddly enough this is when I stopped drinking Dr Pepper as well.

      Just isn't the same.

      Delete
    5. http://www.sodafinder.com/products/dr-pepper-cherry-vanilla-diet

      there ya go Rob - probably way out of date and $16 per 12 pack plus shipping - but 5 cases left heh!

      Delete
    6. Thanks but yeah, I'm thinking that since there is an expiration date artificial sweetener, it may taste like the it came from a wildebeast WITHOUT syphilis.

      Delete
  5. Good luck - I ate my last slice of bread like three days ago.... Poker playing/watching sports obviously is a detriment to losing weight, but I look forward to walking the casinos when I return to town, which is a good way to exercise, inside in the air-conditioning... :)

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    Replies
    1. I've given up most bread as well. I'll treat myself with the occasional Burger or pizza but that is a big thing I have cut out as well.

      Delete
  6. I recently went from 275 to 250 in 3 months. I'm looking to lose 30 more this summer. Here are my tips:

    Got a smart phone? Get LoseIt! and set up an online account. It's free and it similar to WW. Tracks calories, fat, carbs, protein, etc. Coolest part is that it scans the bar codes of commercial foods. I didn't change my diet at all, just ate the same stuff until I got to 1700 calories.

    Cheat once a week. Prevents metabolism from resetting to starvation mode. Eat anything. Eat a case of chips if you want on cheat day.

    Gotta exercise. Resistance AND cardio. Go to Men's Health website and find something that suits you and your budget. Personally, I belong to Lifetime Fitness. I find going to the gym and watching the hotties work out VERY motivating.

    Good luck

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the advice - I'll check out the site and the app.

      Delete
  7. I drink 4 cans a day too... and have no self control around bags of chips.. I need to ban them from my house. Take that kids! See twins. Except for that part about seeing your dick.

    Here is a good way to motivate your friend. Every week she comes over your house for a weight in. If she has gained weight she has to suck your dick, if not she escapes punishment. I bet she loses weight fast!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or she never loss weight because my spunk tastes like fruity pebbles!

      Delete
    2. Really? Fruity Pebbles?!?

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    3. He would know! There's a story there.

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    4. No Josie - nothing like fruity pebbles actually, but didn't that statement have you considering it :)

      Delete
  8. I inadvertently lost weight. I lost 9 pounds in about a month. But, believe me, you don't want to do it the way I did. Stress from the move, plus moving an metric shit ton of stuff into the new place. Then the death of my father kept me from eating nothing more than a half a bowl of cereal a day for the past week. So, while I like the idea of losing weight, I would not wish that shit on anyone. Well, maybe someone that I really disliked.

    But, I also have the evil chip addiction. To keep myself from eating too many, I've made rules. If I get the munchies, I put them in a cereal bowl rather than eating them straight out of the bag. And, I don't eat after about 8pm. Also, when I eat lunch, I have a cheese sandwich, a small serving of chips and a can of Coke or Dr. Pepper. This was when I actually wanted to eat, that is. I generally don't drink pop all that often. I might have one can a day - usually with lunch or dinner. But, I've always been an avid drinker of water. I can drink up to 80 ounces (2400ml)of water a day if I'm really thirsty. But, then again, I have uber-dry skin and it retains moisture about as well as a bottle with a hole in the bottom.

    I agree with Steve Stevens. I didn't change my diet, just the amount I eat, really. I can't fathom eating anything "fat free" - it just doesn't taste as good (which is the fat in it). But, if I shrink my portion size, or how often I eat it, I can still eat the good tasting stuff.

    Good luck with your endeavors. I can also be your motivational buddy, if you want. My goal is to drop 30 pounds total. :o)

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