Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Listing the Obscene

As I have described previously I ended up playing at two unbelievable tables where the talk was beyond that of normal poker talk.
Sometimes you get to a table where you have the table comedian (which I try to be at times) and sometimes there are one or two others playing along.
I've never been at at table (or two) where more than half were cracking jokes (dealers included) and where 8/10 were getting involved (Harrah's and IP respectively).
Let me correct that notion about the IP, if you count the eye candy sitting behind certain players it was more 12/10 that were getting involved in the fun.  Really unbelievable good times.

So, I cannot recount everything that went on but I figure that As I remember stuff I'll be making a list of some of the topics that came up, the jokes that were said, punchlines, etc.
Maybe in the future some of this stuff could be expanded upon.

Everybody at the table had a nickname.  We played poker with the likes of Bobby Hill all grown up, Walt Kowlisky, Buddy Holly, Vin Diesel, Father Guido Sadducee, An Actual living breathing live ATM machine, Paul Giamoni (I'm not taking the time to look up the spelling of any of this crap, my bad).
I was Paul G and at one point I asked someone if he liked me in sideways which was then pointed out is probably a question you should NEVER ask another man.  "Hey bro, would you like me in sideways?"

The Shocker came up twice in a two day span.  A dealer asked last night "Did I really just see the shocker thrown down at my table?"

Stump also took a liking to imitating Andrew Dice Clay with a little shocker sense of humor which he pretty much nailed, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a fucking fantastic thing.  I know Dice will be making more appearances at the local Las Vegas tables for years to come if I have anything to say about it.

I informed the entire table about how my mother used to type up her reports for school, which is only funny if you hear me recant it at the tables :)

After hitting on a particularly attractive waitress Stump says to me "she's married" and I exclaim "that's ok because ever chick I've ever dated has been fucking someone else as well" and the dealer started laughing so hard he had to pause dealing for a moment.

After getting into a pissing match with another player Stump asked if I was going to just whip my dick out and throw it on the table and I informed him that I haven't seen my dick in the past decade so I doubt anyone else would be able to either.

I learned that Dominic (dealer at Harrah's) Couldn't get laid if he crawled up a chickens ass.

While I know there is more to this, a lot more, it's mostly out of my head.  I will part with these final couple nuggets of whatever.

The Shocker did make it's 3rd appearance and to end my post I'll be listing a ton of shockers.

When Stump and I play at the same table be on the look out for multiple comments about us dating or fucking or whatever.  Last night we randomly went through a routine where he told someone we met online and I chimed in with match.com.

So, The Shocker:

The original definiton:

Two in the pink, one in the stink.

More shocker euphemisms:

Checking her fever, with two in the beaver

Crimson: 2, Brown: 1.Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco.
Dos en el rosado, y uno en el morado.
Dos en la crica, con uno en la pica.
Dos en la hamaca, con uno en la caca.
Going to town, with one in the brown.
Phaser Finger
The Barracuda (Aus)
The Muckfish.
The Willy J Munchright (Named after a famous Australian)
Two at Yale, one at Brown.
Two in her rut, one in her butt.
Two in the 'ooh la la', one in the caca.
Two in the baby maker, one in the patty caker.
Two in the beav, with an ace up the sleeve.
Two in the beaver, one in the cleaver.
Two in the beaver, one where food leaves her.
Two in the bird, one in the turd.
Two in the blood, one in the mud.
Two in the boat, one in the moat.
Two in the bow, one in the stern.
Two in the buckle, one in the knuckle.
Two in the Bush, one in the Cheney.
Two in the bush, one in the tush.
Two in the byway, one in the hershey highway.
Two in the cake, one in the pudding.
Two in the camel toe, one in the anal hole.
Two in the cat, one in the shat.
Two in the cheese, one in the whiz.
Two in the chink, one in the sphinc.
Two in the chute, one in the glute.
Two in the clam, one in the SHAZAAM
Two in the clanker, one in the spanker.
Two in the cockpit, one where the jock sits.
Two in the coin slot, one in the balloon knot.
Two in the condom muncher, one in the donkey puncher.
Two in the coo, one in the poo.
Two in the easy, one in the sleazy
Two in the rung, one in the dung
Two in the pounder, one in the rounder
Two in the cooter, one in the pooter
Two in the pump, one in the rump
Two in the grasshole, one in the asshole
Two in the rug, one in the plug
Two in the frollicks, one in the bollocks
Two in the punk, one in the bunk
Two in the pump, one in the rump
Two in the shooter, one in the tooter
Two in the fucker, one in the pucker
Two in the cha-cha, one in the ka-ka
Two in the choo-choo, one in the poo-poo
Two in the spunk, one in the bunk
Two in the funk, one in the stunk
Two in the ponanny, one in the shit cranny


  1. Now we must know if you have employed the shocker.

  2. Spocker--2 in the pink 2 in the stink. Takes a special kinda girl tho :).

  3. Sounds like a fun nite, too be sure. Was Prudence there by any chance?

    Am I missing something. There are two big blank spaces on this post, one after "So, The Shocker" and one after "The original defnition." Are there graphics there I'm not seeing?

    1. Not missing anything - for some reason this post has decided multiple times, on its own, to either hide stuff with black text against a black background, or white things out or whatever it wants.
      Then when I remove formatting to get rid of the issues that it created on it's own it decides to just add whatever random spacing it wants to piss me off.

      So, final thought?
      Don't fuck with the shocker.
      or - in Tat's case - the Spocker!!!